Sarah Ritchie

Topping it Off!

2011-05-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

Since becoming a wedding officiant in New York City, I have come to really appreciate individuals from the British Empire. As antiquated as it sounds, there is something wonderful and romantic about the grace and manners of the Kingdom. I have become particularly fond of the British affection for hats and so-called fascinators. The fascinators are a new-fangled hat--something akin to a cross between a traditional hat and a headband.....all of the glory of a hat, with none of the "hat head." I first became familiar with the wonders of the fascinator at my weddings of British and Australian brides. However, with the recent Royal Wedding, I share some of my favorite shots with you, including one of yours truly. I was in my office sporting a fascinator sent by my dear, dear friend Kirsty, who now lives in Australia. To our Dear Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge....please keep our new love affair with hats and fascinators!

For the Love of the Game

2011-05-21T17:11:00.001-07:00

I was recently asked to participate in an innovative wedding between a bride and her golf-loving husband. The wedding took place on a golf course, with numerous very humorous elements. Although I used only portions of this essay in the ceremony script, I enjoyed the opportunity to make the connections between a game we adore and a happy marriage. This usual ceremony language is a perfect example of how a skillful Celebrant can use any interest of a couple in their ceremony. Enjoy:

I, personally, have long been a fan of golf, not only as a complicated sport, but one that is filled with tradition, symbolism, pageantry and dignity. Golf is not a simple endeavor and most people who have played are struck with the ups and downs of their skill (and handicap). Golf, in general, doesn’t afford us the luxury of consistent improvement, rather—like life—unexpected challenges present themselves, perhaps when we least expect them. The typical golfer, who routinely keeps his ball in play in the fairway, may be surprised when he suddenly begins to develop a nasty slice. So too, a productive marriage that happily moves through time may, on occasion, come upon an unwelcome and inexplicable problem. To move through both sets of challenges, it takes time, patience, and a willingness to address the matter at hand, sooner rather than later. Like golf, when we stumble upon a vexing obstacle, in a good marriage we are afforded second chances—an emotional Mulligan, if you will. A kind, forgiving partner will routinely allow a gimme—assuming the best in his or her beloved.

Not only has golf been a game of gentlemen (and gentlewomen) over the years, even the casual weekend golfer is called upon to exhibit a level of respect and honesty. Whether on modest public links or a distinguished PGA course, innumerable situations arise that demand good judgment and a commitment to fair play. If a ball goes out of bounds, a true golfer will accept the outcome and uphold the commonly accepted rules of the game. In a good marriage, a well-intentioned husband or wife must always embrace fairness and own up to his or her part in whatever disagreement may arise. There’s no bending of the rules in a well-played golf game, and no emotional cheating in a mature marriage. An esteemable golfer will be considerate of others—making a tee time, for instance, or allowing other to play through when he is slow. He will leave a hole in the same fine condition he found it, fixing his divets along the way. To my mind such an orientation is akin to a kind husband or wife will be mindful of treating his partner with empathy and respect.

Golf, at its best, embodies humility and a willingness to learn and change. The prudent player will seek the advice of those with wisdom—whether it be a coach, club pro or Harvey Penick’s Little Red Book. And in marriage, the best lessons we often learn are from the loving marriages we saw as children. And, when something isn’t working, a serious golfer will honestly assess the situation. When reviewing video of a long held swing, he will be willing to try a different approach. Just because some grip or stance has been a lifelong habit, it just might not the best choice for a more productive outcome, anymore. In marriage, thoughtful husbands and wives will evaluate a marital impasse, and consider altering their style of communications and relating.

When I was coming up, we had an expression “Drive for show, and putt for dough.” A golfer at any level will enjoy enormous satisfaction from hitting that sweet spot on the club, yielding a long, straight drive and set up for the next shot. But it is with the finesse and prowess of his short game that he will save strokes and lower the all-important handicap. In marriage, as the writer Wilferd Arlan Peterson says, “The little things are the big things.” Grand romantic gestures have their place, but it is daily acts of kindness and generosity that are the foundation of a happy home.

While many consider this an individual sport, the opportunities for true partnership, shared values, and common objectives are innumerable. The interdependent relationship of a golfer and his caddy can be heartwarming. While one is in the lead, he willingly consults his partner and takes seriously advice that is offered. I suggest to you that the format of the scramble is one that is replicated time and again in marriage. The team prospers by capitalizing on the strengths of the individuals. Over time, reliance on those advantages goes back and forth—with one partner taking the lead, and then the other. But, always they are working in concert for the benefit of the couple and family.

A joy of golf is its reverence of history—all that has come before. Whether the fabled Green Jacket at Augusta or the homage we pay to Bobby Jones, it is important to recognize the sport in the trajectory of its rich history of centuries. And so, I invite you to prepare to exchange vows, promises offered by untold generations before you.

Honoring Native American Wedding Traditions

2011-05-17T09:16:00.001-07:00

Having been born and raised in Oklahoma—“Home of the Red Man”—I have always had some appreciation and understanding of the Native American history and culture. As we know, the story of so-called American Indians has, in many ways, been tragic….one that is filled atrocities that included the introduction of catastrophic diseases such as Small Pox, a disease previously unknown to the First Peoples. The land of Native Americans was confiscated, with Indians following a “Trail of Tears” of relocation to places like Oklahoma. Despite the cruelty of this past, the cultures of the scores of Native American “tribes” remains a treasure in many places in America. It was only after my sister married a member of the Chickasaw Nation (One of the so-called Five Civilized Tribes), did I delve into Native American affairs in any way.

It was just last week, that I had the honor to marry a young man who was a member of the Cherokee Nation. This union offered me the opportunity to do a bit of research on Native American marriage and courtship rituals. Certainly, the particular customs vary among the various American Indian Nations. But for couples wishing to pay respect to their Native heritage, many options exists. A helpful book by the late Leslie Gourse, Native American Courtship and Marriage Traditions (New York: Hippocrene Books), offers a variety of suggestions ranging from Native garments, rituals, dances, and music. Among the poetry selections included a Cherokee Prayer, perfect for this couple:

CHEROKEE PRAYER

God in Heaven above
please protect the ones we love.
We honor all you created as we pledge
our hearts and lives together.

We honor Mother Earth
and ask for our marriage to be abundant
and grow stronger through the seasons;

We honor Fire
and ask that our union
be warm and glowing
with love in our hearts;

We honor Wind
and ask that we sail through life
safe and calm as in our father’s arms;

We honor Water
to clean and soothe our relationship
that it may never thirst for love;

With all the forces of the universe you created,
we pray for harmony and true happiness
as we forever grow young together.

Amen.

Many resources exist for those seeking to learn about Native wedding traditions. The recently opened Smithsonian Institute’s National Museum of the American Indian is a perfect place to start.

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An Open Letter to Sir Paul McCartney

2011-05-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

I think that everyone was happy when learning that Sir Paul McCartney was “tying the knot” with American businesswoman Nancy Shevell. McCartney’s love affair with his late wife Linda is the stuff of legends. After his sadly bitter divorce in recent years, we hope that the third time is a charm for him. On the heels of the Royal wedding, this announcement was another bit of welcome romantic news from across the pond. My only disappointment was learning that Shevell and McCartney were seeking a small, civil ceremony—in short order.

I certainly understand why distinguished individuals of a “certain age” might wish to avoid the media spotlight that inevitably accompanies a large, spectacular wedding. However, there is no need to rush off to the judge’s chamber! As a life-cycle Celebrant and wedding officiant, I am here to say that there is a most wonderful, extraordinary option for all couples, including those who wish to have an intimate, private affair.

Throughout my various websites and blogs, I often mention that I am a “Celebrant,” as well as a wedding officiant. Status as an officiant gives me the legal credential to marry people. Celebrancy is all about training and approach. As part of an ever expanding international association, Celebrants are educated in creating specialized ceremonies for major life events and transitions including weddings, funerals, baby blessings, and much more. And this I can guarantee—the principles of our approach work beautifully for weddings with any number of guests—20 or 200. From over the top Manhattan venues to little patches of paradise in Central Park, finely crafted ceremonies offer the happiness and emotional gravity that every marriage partnership deserves.

I won’t recite chapter and verse about what makes our approach so special. When meeting new clients, I underscore that from a philosophical and religious point of view, a Celebrant will come to the process making every effort to learn their view on life’s most important questions. Through conversations and the written word, I (and other Celebrants) get to know what makes brides and grooms, as individuals and as a couple, “tick.” A Celebrant-led ceremony will tell the story of the couple—from lighthearted stories of the early courtship to the deepest words describing their love for each other—in a special narrative portion of the ceremony script. Finally, a Celebrant will offer interesting options for every part of a traditional ceremony format from readings, vows, rituals, inclusion of guests, and more!

A good wedding ceremony is rather difficult to describe—but as with many things, “You know it when you see (and hear) it.” In trying to articulate the indescribable, I suggest to clients that a rich ceremony feels three dimensional, whereas a “cookie cutter” ceremony is, literally, flat. A standard issue wedding script, like a clear broth, will provide nutrition and will “get the job done.” But wouldn’t you rather have a rich stew, filled with interesting tastes and textures? (Of course, in my case, it would be a Goulash….out of respect for my Hungarian boyfriend!)

So Sir McCartney and Ms. Shevell, let’s respect your desire to have a small, private ceremony. But, please, realize that this preference should not preclude a spectacular, personalized script that you will never forget, a ready gift that a Celebrant will happily provide. Call me to schedule your special day!

2011-05-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I had the unique opportunity to participate in a “surprise” wedding for a happy bride and groom in Manhattan. The couple invited their friends and family members to an “engagement party” at the fancy Tribeca Rooftop. After a bit of mingling and some cocktails, they were told that this was really a surprise wedding. As you can imagine, the guests were thrilled with cheers all around!

I’ve heard of a few of these ceremonies, including the recent nuptials of singer LeAnn Rimes and actor Eddie Cibrian; however, I’d never been involved in such a sneaky affair. It was wonderful! In preparing the ceremony script and experiencing the happy occasion, I came away with several thoughts about why this was not only a fun idea, but a meaningful one, as well. Because the event was not surrounded by the typical anxieties associated with a standard wedding, guests were really “in the moment” as some would say. There were no worries about gift registries, seating arrangements, or the age old dilemma of “what to wear to a wedding,” so guests could just relish the excitement and cheer of the wedding. But, by offering this unexpected celebration, guests were—in my opinion—somehow more present for this all important rite-of-passage, carefully listening to words they were not expecting to hear on a late spring evening. The bride and groom had particular intentions for the night. The groom explained, “We want you all to enjoy the evening and know that experiencing the moment is more important than the details and planning.” The bride’s wish for the night? “Love, joy, celebration, fun, and laughter.”

Likewise, this event design underscores the value that two individuals place on their circle of loved ones. Couples who decide to get married on relatively short notice will often simply elope to an exotic location or marry at City Hall. However, reciting the all-important vows in front of a beloved community highlights the importance of family and friends. The bride and groom truly wished to share this occasion.

So on this Saturday evening, the bride was stunning and the groom beamed. It was a perfect way to spend the eve of Mother’s day. For, after I declared them man and wife, the bride followed up with another monumental announcement: the couple is expecting a baby in a few short months! It doesn’t get any better than that!

I'd like to thank Cheryl Fielding-LoPalo of Cheryl J. Weddings & Events for introducing me to our lovely couple.

The Princess in Us All

2011-04-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

After unparalleled fanfare, the much anticipated Royal Wedding has come and gone. As someone in the "wedding business,” I have been reflecting on what this celebration meant to the United Kingdom and what it says about weddings in American culture. Perhaps once this experience has marinated in my mind, I will have additional insights, but for now, here goes:

This wedding, like all weddings, can be a time to set aside the daily troubles of our individual lives and the chaos of the world to focus on some of the great gifts of life: the hope-filled love of a young couple on a new path to the future, as mutually supportive partners, perhaps joined by children some day. It is a new beginning, of sorts, and is treated with care and reverence not customary in daily life. For any couple, this is a most important moment that they publicly make commitments that they made to each other long before.

The wedding underscored the strength of this multi-generational family. Because of the high-profile lives of "the Royals," we sense that these individuals are known to us. With pictures of Royal weddings from Queen Victoria through Prince Charles and Lady Diana, we see the lineage of the Windsors. As I work with all of my couples I encourage them to consider their vows as a continuation of promises made by their ancestors many times before. While not all marriages survive the test of time, one can only imagine that each couple starts with a positive vision for their lives together. When brides and grooms are blessed with parents who have tended to healthy, joy-filled marriages, noting that in the ceremony is a small, but meaningful,way to honor their families. There is no greater instruction in the methods of building and sustaining a happy partnership than seeing it at home.

As Americans, steeped in a more egalitarian culture, we usually bristle at the notion of a divinely appointed monarchy. However, the majesty of the wedding must have moved even the most democratic among us. I must admit to being a bit of an Anglophile--one who reminisces fondly about the British Empire (focusing on the grandeur rather than the atrocities of colonialism). So the wedding is a romantic vision of a times gone by. Weddings of any size or sort offer a special occasion to draw upon traditions and customs associated with our motherlands (or in some cases fatherlands), regardless of how long we have been in America. Whether it is an American bride of Australian ancestry carrying a lucky horse shoe in her bouquet or a first-generation bride from the Philippines incorporating a lasso as a unity ritual, these acts of ethnic pride can resonate with guests. The customs may go virtually unnoticed by guests or may be highlighted in the ceremony script or wedding program. But, I have found that discussions of genealogical roots is a perfect moment for brides and grooms to have meaningful conversations with parents and relatives about their common ancestry.

A wedding can most certainly include a time to honor those who have passed. The Royal wedding commenced with a tribute to the the beloved Princess Diana, which included the singing of a hymn that was part of her funeral ceremony, more than a dozen years ago. Likewise, Kate has proudly worn Diana's engagement ring. On a more public note, now Princess Catherine placed a bridal bouquet on the tomb of Unknown Soldier as they recessed. Such gestures make known that while some are gone, they are not forgotten. We carry their memory with us, and this potent rite of passage is somehow tinged with bittersweet reminders of their absence. I notice that more and more couples integrate such remembrances into ceremony words, sometimes incorporating rituals to draw more attention to the loved ones who have passed. Counterintuitively, this choice heightens the humanity of the ceremony, rather than dampening spirits, as some might think.

The Royal Wedding was filled with beautiful music from the heralding trumpets to grand organ hymns. I try to remind couples that the processional and recessional music are a real opportunity to express themselves. I continue to be surprised to find that even among some of the most elaborate NYC weddings, the ceremony music is given little consideration. There is a standard repertoire of accepted music for weddings, and couples lack the time, energy, or desire to investigate alternative accompaniment. With the assistance of people who know more about music than I do, I am seeking to integrate music consultation into my service portfolio. Just last week, serving a destination couple from Brisbane, I decided to forego music played with my IPod and portable speaker, as we had discussed. As we held the ceremony in Central Park, I “hired” a street musician—an older saxophonist from Russia—to play music before and after the ceremony, as well as the requisite processional and recessional standards. It was a great, light-hearted touch. He played jazz standards and the most traditional processional and recessional tunes.

There is no disputing that this Royal Wedding was a feast for the eyes. Whether a wedding is a grand production or a small event, limitless ideas exist to make each and every aspect of the celebration shine. A million and one websites and books are easily available to offer up a cornucopia of suggestions for the DIY bride. Simple design programs allow the creative bride and groom to make invitations and save-the-date cards that look—but are not—supremely expensive. The crafting superstores such as Michael's (or Hobby Lobby, popular in Oklahoma, where I am from) are filled with rows and rows of baskets, flowers, ribbons and more to decorate the event in elegant style. Websites, television shows and style mavens such as Martha Stewart provide in-home tutoring that didn’t exist a few decades ago. One need only loiter around their local Barnes & Noble bookstore for a few hours to take home some ideas that speak to their style. In some ways, I believe that a couple on a budget is “forced” to identify interesting design elements that can be more unique than standard issue options of wedding coordinators and venues. Weddings are not just about tasty food, copious alcohol and danceable music, but they should serve up visual stimulation that we don’t find in our daily routines.

To use a favorite British expression, the Royal wedding helped the English to “mind the gap.” The fact that Kate is a “commoner” was ballyhooed in the lead up to the Royal wedding. Indeed, this matrimonial pairing heralds a new era of spousal choice by the monarchs in Great Britain. It is a far cry from the earlier fixation on finding a suitable titled member of the aristocracy (ideally a virgin). As with “regular” couples in America, William and Kate were, by all accounts, guided by their hearts. Just as the union of the Prince and new Princess bridged these two parts of Britain’s relatively stratified social hierarchy, so, too, in America, marriages facilitate the joining of individuals from two (or more) faith or ethnic traditions.

Finally, in listening to the television commentary about this morning’s wedding there was a sense that this wedding met the lofty pageantry standards of the monarchy, but it did so with the couple making many choices based on how they envisioned the day, from the decision to have an adult sibling as part of Kate’s bridal party to the publicized “after party” hosted by the rambunctious Prince Harry. Moreover, even though the service followed High Anglican requirements, there were moments of intimacy and authentic joy, visible to all. In a touching moment, the Archbishop of Canterbury read a prayer crafted by the couple. This emphasis on integrating the story, customs, and ideas of each bride and groom into a fairly standard wedding framework is at the heart of what I do as a Celebrant. For, at the end of the day, there are no flowers beautiful enough….no food delicious enough….and no wedding dress stunning enough to overshadow the pure emotion of a unique ceremony that belongs to this couple and this couple, alone.

I know we all wish this Royal Couple well, as somehow we pin our own hopes and fantasies on this union to provide us with a greatly desired “happily ever after.” But even in this day, there are reminders of how we celebrate weddings, and how we might celebrate weddings, that can inform us all.

Wedding? There's an App for That!

2011-03-12T19:09:00.000-08:00

In this day and age, you can do almost anything with the help of your trusty iPhone, iPod, or iPad. Why should planning a wedding be the exception? Fortunately, there are plenty of apps to help you make sure that your special day is everything you want it to be.

When you’re looking to get organized, find local vendors, or get wedding day inspiration, you can turn to your iPhone to find the help that you need. High-profile names in the wedding industry such as wedding planner Mindy Weiss and bridal media such as “The Knot” and “Brides” have developed apps to offer their expertise to tech-savvy brides.

“Plan Your Wedding with Mindy Weiss” is the signature wedding application from celebrity wedding planner, Mindy Weiss. At 9.99, the app is on the expensive side as far as digital planning tools go. However, its vast array of features may be worth the price for you. Like many other wedding apps, this app allows you to search a database of wedding gowns and manage vendors. However, in addition to these standard features, “Plan Your Wedding” provides you with video advice from Mindy herself as well as a “dreamboard” where you can save wedding inspiration photos, a budget management tool, and a section for keeping track of your gift registries, guest lists, and thank you notes.

Wedding mega-resource, “The Knot,” offers a number of free application options to help you with your wedding planning. For iPhone users, “Wedding Dress Lookbook” allows you to search for the perfect gown by inputting your height, body type, personality, and wedding style in addition to other search terms. “The Knot” also offers “Wedding 911,” an app in which brides submit their questions about etiquette, receptions, ceremonies, saving money, and other wedding day details. For iPad users, “The Knot” offers a great digital edition of its magazine at $4.99 an issue, complete with a spot for saving inspiration and plenty of videos to help you create D-I-Y invites and favors.

Another free app option is “BRIDES Wedding Genius,” straight from the pros at Condé Nast’s “Brides” magazine. This app allows you to explore a huge database of wedding dresses, his and hers jewelry, and travel destinations for your dream honeymoon. For a few dollars, you can upgrade this application to the “BRIDES Digital Wedding Binder,” which allows you access to expert advice, inspiration folders, and a spot to manage your wedding to-do list.

This article was written by FIT Student Corine Brosseau.

From Red Carpet to the Wedding Aisle

2011-03-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

Photograph from People.com

Award season is the time when celebrities pull out all the stops and go for the fashion gold. Strutting down a red carpet in designer duds is always a huge deal but at the Oscars, the king of award shows, who you’re wearing becomes even more important. From sleek and sophisticated to modern and fresh, the red carpet at this year’s Academy Awards was home to some major fashion statements. Fortunately for brides-to-be, you don’t have to be famous to wear a stunning gown to a very special celebration.

Whether you hope to exude the confidence of Halle Berry or the grace of Natalie Portman, there is a dress that will make you look as wonderful walking down the aisle as they do gliding across the red carpet. If emulating a certain celebrity style icon’s Oscar look is what you wish for, then it’s easy to make that wish come true.

When you see a fabulous gown on the red carpet, think simple! Don’t try to find an exact dupe of the gown in white. Instead, choose a few of the most important details, or simply the ones you find most striking, such as a neckline, embellishment, or silhouette, and use those as inspirational guidelines throughout your search for that perfect dress. In the slideshow below, we’ve found some stunning bridal gowns that echo the red carpet style of some of the best dressed celebs at this year’s Academy Awards.

This essay was written by Corine Brosseau

Red Carpet vs. The Aisle - Online Slideshow Maker

Ivy Covered Roses

2011-02-19T13:03:00.000-08:00

I am from Oklahoma which, like many other Midwestern states, is filled with robust state-supported colleges and universities, but few private institutions of higher education. I have hypothesized about why this is the case—the migration patterns in American history, the timing of the Morrill Land Grant Act which “seeded” many of our large public universities, the populist political culture of the Midwest and Plains, and so on. So it was a great surprise when I “came back east” to find beautiful Chapels on the campuses of America’s oldest private universities including Columbia University, Princeton, and Yale.

When I arrived at Yale for graduate school, I would regularly find myself in the beautiful Battell Chapel. Yale University was originally founded by Congregationalists, and Battell Chapel which was originally built as a Civil War memorial. According to those who follow architecture, it was designed by Russell Sturgis in the “High Victorian Gothic” Style. Throughout the Church, there are reminders of historical facts about the university such as the name of the College’s founder Elihu Yale’s etched in the center window. The ornate Chapel now provide a home for daily meditations, regular religious services, concerts, and—of course—weddings.

Columbia University in New York has a similar historical development. Columbia has long ties to the Church of England, now known as the Anglican Church (in America called the Episcopal Church). St. Paul’s Chapel was built in the early 1900s, in a style adapted from Northern Italian Renaissance architecture. The exterior and interior are filled with religiously inspired Latin phrases and statues inspired by the Old and New Testaments. The physical space of the interior is designed in a Latin cross plan. Three large stained glass windows decorate the front of the chapel and sides, with 16 windows displaying family coats of arms of some of the most significant people associated with Columbia. One of New York City’s finest pipe organ resides there. The inside dome ceiling is stunning.

Students who have graduated from Columbia enjoy the privilege of marrying in this elegant space. The building hosts couples coming from all philosophical and religious traditions. It is one of the few “churches” where an outside clergy, like me, is the norm. I have had the opportunity to marry two gracious couples in the Chapel. This summer I married Robert and Maria, who met as Columbia Undergraduates. I recently performed a winter wedding for Meg and Jason. Jason earned a PhD in mathematics at Columbia. It is a real honor to officiate in this grand academic location. Standing at the front of a church steeped in history, with the pipe organ pounding out processional music, I witness an overwhelming moment. The front doors of the Chapel are thrown open, and the bride stands ready to walk down the aisle to exchange lifetime vows. I get goose bumps just thinking about it!

All photographs by David Mielcarek.

En Pointe

2011-02-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

It is often a bride’s fantasy to feel like a princess on her wedding day. This season, however, brides may prefer to embody the spirit and style of a ballerina. With the recent success of Darren Aronofsky’s Oscar-nominated film “Black Swan,” it is no surprise that brides and their attendants are looking to emulate the elegant grace of Natalie Portman’s character, Nina Sayers, and the rebellious glamour of Lily, played by Mila Kunis. The Mulleavy sisters of Rodarte designed dance costumes for the “Black Swan” ballet dancers. These looks are elegant and over-the-top with embellishments running the gamut from feathers to sequins and fabrics that are typical ballet fare such as lace and tulle.

The stunning costumes are sure to provide plenty of inspiration to brides in pursuit of the perfect gown. Luckily, bridal designers have included plenty of beautiful ballet-inspired pieces in their 2011 collections. Top designers such as Vera Wang and Oscar de la Renta are putting their own twist on the ballerina trend. Various interpretations include a demure strapless ball gown with a tulle skirt and bow belt detail by Amsale as well as Rosa Clará’s flirty tea-length creation with a full, two-tier skirt and lacy, corseted bodice.

Dance infused gowns are fresh this season, but connect with historical trends from long ago. One of the first known instances of ballet-inspired bridal fashion was the wedding of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert in 1840. At the ceremony, she wore an opulent gown of white satin and a lace veil. Her bridesmaids were dressed in matching white gowns, taking inspiration from the corps de ballet, the stylized dancers accompanying the prima ballerina.

From serenely sweet to fashionably brazen, there is a ballet-inspired style for every bride-to-be. Whether she considers herself a bold black swan or a poised white swan, it is certain that with the vast array of options for the ballerina bride, she will find the perfect fit for her wedding day.

Gown by Justin Alexander.

This essay was written with the assistance of Corine Brosseau, a student at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City.

Garden of Wedding Ideas

2011-01-20T20:37:00.000-08:00

A Garden of Wedding Ideas Suggestions for Your Unique Wedding Ceremony by Sarah Ritchie, Wedding Officiant and Celebrant Make Your Own Book

Nobody Knows Weddings Like a Bride

2011-01-12T10:51:00.000-08:00

Looking for a unique, fun, and memorable gifts to commemorate your big day? My Brag Mag is the perfect favor that everyone will love. My Brag Mag takes your romantic story and converts it into a commemorative magazine, inspired by popular publications including People Magazine and Us Weekly. The creation of New Jersey’s Jennifer Aertker Deyo, she explains, “It was about six months before my wedding when My Brag Mag was unofficially created. With so much excitement during the wedding planning, there were so many funny and memorable moments that I wanted to hold onto forever. So, with a commitment to commemorate this time of my life, I began writing the very first My Brag Mag. ”

Here’s how it works: My Brag Mag creates magazines of 8 or more pages with any content you choose: stories about how you met; the proposal of marriage; marriage advice from loved ones; or funny stories from friends. The possibilities are endless! Not creative? Not to worry. The folks at My Brag Mag have got you covered, developing article ideas and content. The adorable keepsake is perfect for hotel welcome bags, pre-wedding parties, or even at the wedding.

Deyo adds, “My Brag Mag is a hit with brides! I have seen them given as surprise shower gifts. The bride always orders more afterwards, because they are so much fun at the shower! It's really something that includes everyone, too. It's not just about the couple; it really brings everyone into the celebration.”

Big Apple Bound

2011-01-07T15:01:00.000-08:00

NYC & Company, the business and tourism organization here in the Ciy, has reported a record number of tourists visited the Big Apple last year. I agree, based on my experience with brides and grooms, who choose New York for their destination weddings! While traditionally destination weddings have been associated with warm weather spots, NYC has become a supremely popular location for weddings of all sizes. New York is considered among the most romantic cities in the world, after all. Last year, I officiated weddings for couples from England, Germany, Mexico, Canada, Scotland, Northern Ireland, The Netherlands, and numerous American states such as Ohio, Colorado, Washington DC, Arizona, California, Texas, Maryland, Minnesota, Virginia, and New Jersey! Central Park, our crown jewel, is the most popular choice for ceremonies, but the couples are only limited by their imaginations in where they’d like to be married. Over the recent New Year’s weekend, I married lovely couples from Western Canada (Gapstow Bridge, Central Park); Southern California (Rockefeller Plaza, near the famed ice rink and Christmas tree); and Texas (Cop Cot Pavilion, Central Park). To assist my destination couples, I launched a blogsite to provide ideas and photographs of wedding locations about town. Let’s see if we can break the NYC Tourism and Destination Wedding records in 2011!

Photo Above Courtesy of John Mazlish Wedding Photography

Happy New Year to All!

2010-12-31T12:34:00.000-08:00

It has been an exciting year! I offer a heartfelt congratulations to all of my brides and grooms. I have had the honor of marrying over 100 couples in 2010. Most of my weddings have been in New York City, but I have officiated ceremonies in the entire Tri-state area--from Connecticut to New Jersey to Westchester. And I have seen what feels like every inch of New York's very "long" Long Island. As New York has become one of the most popular spots for Destination Weddings, I have been happy to serve brides and grooms from many American states (Ohio, California, Kentucky, Maryland, Minnesota, Texas, and Indiana, to name a few) as well as folks from England, Ireland, Northern Ireland, Australia, Germany, Denmark, Dubai, the Netherlands, and Scotland. I thank you all for sharing your special day with me and look forward to staying in touch.

The following slide show, prepared by my young colleague Noemie, includes photos of most of my couples. And, the couple at the beginning of this post is Rebekah and Matthew, a lovely bride and groom from Edmonton, Alberta. With the historic blizzard of the past week, they rearranged their simple flight to NYC, flying instead to Toronto and taking the "Maple Leaf" Amtrak down to the City. Their journey was over 30 hours in length. Meanwhile, their dedicated officiant (that would be me!), made her way from Budapest, Hungary to Prague, Czech Republic, to NYC's Upper East Side. We had a lovely, sweet romantic ceremony on the Gapstow Bridge in Central Park. Many tourists stopped by to watch and savor the romance, on a sparkling winter's day. So Congratulations, one and all. Peace and all good things in 2011!

Celebrate Your Wedding with Three Words

2010-11-19T08:29:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, I come across a "feel good" moment on TV.....times when I think that television, a much criticized part of American culture, is a really terrific tool that connects people. Several months ago, I stumbled upon a feature on the weekend edition of Good Morning America that I really loved. "Your Three Words" is an invitation to viewers to submit home videos (usually less than a minute in length) that use signs with three words, expressing anything they wish. Sometimes the clips are happy ones ("My First Snow" -- with a darling baby in a bunny outfit, situated in the snow) and other times they are profoundly emotional ("Mom finished Chemo" or "Dad came Home" [from the War]). Each week, it is a bouquet of messages from regular people.

I tried one of these video clips with a wonderful couple, following their wedding ceremony. Anne-Marie and Warren were lovable people from Belfast, Northern Ireland. I was so pleased to officiate their wedding in the Conservatory Garden in Central Park. They were joined in New York by a handful of their loved ones. Please enjoy "Their Three Words"! Congratulations to Anne-Marie and Warren!

The Wedding of YOUR dreams!

2010-11-07T17:56:00.000-08:00

On Halloween, I was invited to officiate a “costume” wedding for a very nice local couple. The couple had met when they were very young. They went on separate journeys and reunited many years later. Pure romance. In a sweeping romantic gesture, the couple “eloped” and planned to surprise their friends and family members later in the day, with news of their marriage!

We met at the beautiful Wave Hill garden up in Riverdale, a section of the Bronx. The setting is truly stunning. This garden is set on the edge of the might Hudson River. It was peak autumn leaving season. The day was clear as a bell. The couple dressed in ghoulish wedding costumes from Tim Burton films. I, of course, was the Queen of Hearts. We tucked ourselves away in a small garden and had a private ceremony with the bride’s brother.

The wedding went smoothly, with some passers-by stopping to view the spectacle. All were generous with smiles and good wishes. One of the garden volunteers even agreed to be a witness. I must admit, that I was a bit nervous about the wedding plan. Wave Hill is a somewhat conservative location. Unlike Central Park where “everything goes,” Wave Hill doesn’t normally host off-beat events. But everything turned out perfectly.

What did I learn from this couple? Seize the Day! Have courage! Although we need to roll with the punches, assume things will turn out as we hope. And, finally…..pursue the wedding of your dreams and don’t worry about meeting the expectations of others.

Bethenny Getting Married...the Search for an Officiant

2010-08-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

I blame this on my very good friend Denise, but I find myself watching “reality” TV shows, lately—more than I would care to admit. From time to time, I tuned in to “Bethenny Getting Married.” I rationalized by thinking it was relevant to my work as a Celebrant. For those who don’t know Bethenny Frankel, she was one of the “The Real Housewives of New York City,” part of the Bravo series. Bethenny is a very attractive 30-something woman of great accomplishment in the worlds of food and entertaining and is considered something of a staple on the New York Post’s “Page Six” gossip column. To those of us looking on, she is the consummate “personality” gifted in the art of business and self-promotion.

Perhaps 18 months ago, she met the man of her dreams. After a whirlwind romance (and subsequent pregnancy) she found herself planning her dream wedding. These developments must have made the Bravo television producers deliriously happy; for, it naturally meant a spin-off, “Bethenny Getting Married.” Over the course of a dozen or so “episodes,” the New York glamour girl planned a very high-end wedding, with her trademark wit and a dose of self-deprecating humor. Having been an event planner, she knew the ins-and-outs of a grand affair. She was accompanied in her planning process by a New York wedding planner of some note. The series chronicled—in great detail—her a campaign to secure the Four Seasons Restaurant for her venue, the search for a stunning dress that could accommodate her growing belly, and the trek to locate the perfect red velvet cake.

Given the work I do, I was chomping at the bit to see who would officiate her wedding! Late in the season, the answers were revealed. And I have to say I was pretty disappointed. The mention of an officiant (to my mind a pretty important part of the wedding) was left until the last minute. I think it eventually occurred somewhere between her shopping break for baby clothes and the bachelor/bachelorette getaway to Atlantic City’s Borgota Hotel. My mind whirled…could she selected one of the gifted women who trained with my program at the Celebrant Foundation? Perhaps it was a Clergy Person/Rabbi from her childhood. Nope. It was a woman, whose name I can’t even recall, who ushered Bethenny and her fiancé Jason Hoppy into a non-descript office. The officiant asked some perfunctory question and that was about it. At one point there was a cutaway to Bethenny’s moment of crying about the absence of an intact family of origin, but the entire appointment (at least how it was portrayed on the series) was essentially a drive-by meeting. Where was the discussion about vows, readings, rituals? Did the woman want to know about their personal story and romance? How might the couple choose to remember the groom’s brother who had passed at a young age? Or what of the new family they were creating?

All of this made me realize that our tribe of Celebrants, who specialize in creative, personalized stories and ceremonies have a long way to go in educating the public about the real possibilities of a creative wedding ceremony. Obviously given the high-profile nature of the wedding, she could have hired the “best of the best” in the officiating field. I’m sorry that no one made her aware of the wonderful choices she had in this regard.

Perhaps she will be more informed when she decides about someone to lead a Baby Welcoming/Blessing Ceremony now that her bundle of joy has arrived! (Bethenny, please visit my new website about these ceremonies!)

Where to Marry?

2010-08-27T19:22:00.000-07:00

Couples coming to New York to marry face an embarrassment of riches in choosing a spot for their nuptials. Even those who know they want to marry in Central Park must choose from dozens of popular spots for the wedding from the Cop Cot Gazebo and Gapstow bridge on the southern end of the park to the Ladies’ Pavilion, Shakespeare Garden, Bethesda Foundation,and Belvedere Castle to the west to the Conservatory Garden on the north end. Each, of course, has its own unique characteristics, histories, and charms.

Of course, in a city of 7 million, there are other iconic spots for a ceremony including the Brooklyn Bridge, Times Square, Rockefeller Center Promenade, Battery Park, and the Staten Island Ferry!

To assist my couples travelling from another American state or abroad, I have created a fun blog to provide a bit of history and “insider’s information” about their potential as a small wedding venue. I have added slide shows that include photos of some of my couples who have married in the park. I am eager to provide clear, concise, and visually appealing information, in one easy location. Please visit it—and often, as I am continually updating it with innovative “NYC Wedding Spots.”

The photo above was generously provided by the 3 West Club in midtown Manhattan!

Religious Rituals for a Non-Religious Bride & Groom

2010-08-22T12:36:00.000-07:00

As a Celebrant, I work with couples who hold many viewpoints on religion and spirituality. In explaining my work with new clients, I mention that to my way of thinking, Celebrants provide (to use a “political” term heard a few years ago) a “third way” in developing important life ceremonies and rites of passages. We work with people who may not be able to (or may not wish to) hold these important events in houses or worship, but they prefer to have a celebration that is not satisfied by a purely administrative ceremony, such as a justice of the peace. We represent everyone else--which, these days, is a vast proportion of the population. My couples come in all philosophical shapes and sizes...those who are of an interfaith perspective, some identify as “spiritual but not religious” or secular humanists, and many are nominally connected to the faith of their families of origin but do not practice.

Many couples will come to me with an awkwardness about how to “handle” religious traditions and faith matters in a respectful way, to honor their parents, all the while realizing that at least at this point in their lives they do not practice. I firmly believe that as Celebrants we are uniquely qualified to guide these delicate matters with sensitivity. I attempt to reassure couples that there are elegant options that we can show respect and honor to the faith tradition(s) of their families while not calling upon the Bride and Groom to feel inauthentic about the words and rituals of the ceremony.

First, there are often ways to couch rituals in terms of cultural connections as opposed to highly religious language. This is particularly effective with respect to Jewish customs like standing below a chuppah during the ceremony or the breaking at the glass at the end of the service. Many American Jews hold closely to the cultural and historical connections of their Judaism, with being observant (or perhaps nominally observant on High Holidays). As such, the descriptions of these rituals can reflect this orientation. Likewise, there are ways to draw parallels between certain religious ceremonies within a wedding and a more secularized approach to the concept. For example, a Jewish couple will include the signing of a Ketubah, the Jewish marriage contract, as part of a religious service, but a ceremonial signing of the marriage license can certainly resemble this kind of ritual. The familiar Christian unity candle can be referenced by leaning on the universal symbolism of light as a sign of goodness—and Godliness. I have been delighted how a number of my clever couples have used their wedding programs, which are often a rudimentary listing of the bridal party and order of the ceremony, to provide creative explanations of rituals or objects we are including in the wedding. I think this is particularly helpful for those who may be unfamiliar with a faith tradition.

Another beautiful way to negotiate this potentially ticklish situation is to involve an honored guest who is practicing the faith to lead that portion of the ceremony. It will most certainly provide a great deal of satisfaction on their part, without the bride or groom feeling as if they are overly stating their current commitments. In a recent ceremony joining a non-practicing Jewish groom and his non-practicing Protestant bride, the groom asked his beloved Grandfather, who observed, to read the traditional 7 Jewish blessings at the end of the ceremony. The Grandfather (who is now among my all-time favorite wedding guests) read the tradition blessings in Hebrew, followed by a modernized version blessings in English. What could be more inclusive than this?

At the end of the day, the goal of any wedding is to underscore the values and ideals that are shared between the couple and among the guests—but there are so many ways to do that with creativity, style, respect, and flourish, honoring the past and recognizing that the couple, as a new family, will have ideas and customs all their own.

It's a Date

2010-06-09T14:21:00.000-07:00

One of the questions I ask couples, as we are preparing their ceremony script, is if there is any significance to the date of the wedding. In the modern world, the wedding dates are often driven by the availability of popular venues, work commitments or the schedules of far-flung friends and relatives, but there are sometimes sweet, sentimental reasons why couples select particular wedding dates. Holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Christmas Eve, or New Year’s Eve are popular times to marry. Likewise, special “number” days including 09-09-09 or 10-10-10 are highly prized because of their perceived association with good luck. But the mention of personal connections to a wedding date adds another subtle, customized moment in the wedding ceremony. For instance, I married an American bride and her Irish husband on St. Patrick’s day, which was not only a great day of American-Irish pride, but the birth date of the groom’s beloved grandfather. A couple that I will marry this weekend pay special attention to the date (June 12) that they first met. This is the date that the groom made a proposal of marriage and the date of their wedding at the Belvedere Castle in Central Park. I am marrying a Turkish couple who have situated their wedding day immediately after the bride’s birthday and the wedding anniversary of the groom’s parents. I mention this in the ceremony and make note that for this couple, the wedding celebration will last for days, given its proximity to these other special family holidays. The extended wedding celebration is a familiar tradition for Turkish couples! So remember, if there is something memorable about the date of your wedding, don’t forget to mention that to your wedding officiant.

A Very Special Thanks to my Scottish Couples

2010-05-30T14:57:00.000-07:00

A fundamental principle of the Celebrant movement is that a well-lived life marks and honors important events, rites of passage, and transitions—those filled with joy, as well as those marked by sorrow. Celebrant-led ceremonies are not merely “events” noting some significant life milestone, but they provide context, resonance, remembrance, understanding, and healing for those involved. I believe that I was drawn to this work, in part, because of the absence of these purposeful rituals in my youth. I knew that as a Celebrant, I would provide an authentic and meaningful service to people with whom I worked. But I did not imagine that my clients would reciprocate in exactly the same way. I could not have known that this work would catapult me to return to the beginning of my own life’s story in a desire to learn more about my life.

My family of origin was a disjointed one, and the circumstances of my upbringing were filled with considerable difficulties and loss—this is not to say that there weren’t heroes around me. I learned many important lessons from my particular situation, and I am unmistakably thankful for those who raised me. My immediate family was small and there was not much detailed discussion of “where we came from.” I had certain awareness that “my people” (on my mother’s side, at least) were German and Danish, but knew little about the details of their travel to America. Intellectually, I realize that we all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us, but that notion had not truly seeped into my marrow. It was only recently that I really grasped that my own surname, the name of my father, is Scottish. This latent appreciation of my own paternal heritage has been remarkably ignited by my Celebrancy practice.

Over the last year, I have worked with a number of brides and grooms from Scotland, most recently Chris and Debbie from Glasgow. Debbie and Chris, along with about three dozen family members and friends (and a bonus Canadian who is the beloved of the groom’s brother), ventured to New York for a sweet Central Park wedding ceremony over the Memorial Day holiday. Chris and Debbie joined my other wonderful Scots—Anne and Gordon, married several months ago, and Gail and her honorary Scottish husband Jason, who wed last summer. These experiences have awakened in me an interest in understanding my own place among the Scots. The sensory delights offered by these weddings have been innumerable—the distinctive Scottish brogue which occasionally confounds me…..the stories and visual appeal of the family tartans….the unmistakable sound of a bagpipe playing those recognizable tunes of the highland…..all struck a chord in my own heart. The Scots that I have been privileged to work with have been warm, kind folks. As I stood in the midst of this extended family on Friday, I could literally see myself in them. I shared their physical characteristics—eye and hair color, complexion, and stature. I really looked (and felt) like I belonged.

It is interesting that this emotional prompting dovetails with the Memorial Day holiday, which at its core is a weighty remembrance of those who have served our country. A few weeks ago, I was searching through old family photographs, to be used in a new website, and I came across a nearly century-old letter that my paternal grandfather (Mr. Ritchie), a low ranking soldier in World War I, sent to the young woman he was courting, who became his wife and is my late grandmother. I spent very little time with these people and did not know them well, but my heart was filled with pride, gratitude, and wonder as I read this letter, which must have been early in their courtship. The penmanship was perfect and words were carefully chosen. My soldier grandfather—a young man of little means and education—wrote simple, but commanding, words about the justice and purpose of this war, The War to End all Wars, as they deemed it. We know, of course, that this fight for Democracy was not the final war. Moreover, the idealistic youth of this soldier was, in the end, filled with generous portions of sadness, including the loss of his second son, who died as a pilot in the Vietnam War.

The combination of my looking into the faces of old photographs, reading the words of my long-dead Scottish grandfather, the national celebration of Memorial Day, and the magical elixir my new Scottish friends sprinkled on my heart have created an irresistible desire to ask simple questions: Where are my people from? And what happened to the young family of that Vietnam soldier, Herman Ritchie, who was lost in service to our country when I was still an infant. During this long holiday weekend, I find myself prowling the internet to begin searching for information. I hope that years from now I will have a journal full of names and dates and places, and perhaps new friends. I am looking for my clan. I would not have imagined that this would be one of the gifts of being a Celebrant. I will report back to you, gentle readers, about my progress on the voyage.

Dressed to the Nines

2010-05-25T16:51:00.000-07:00

Weddings are a great opportunity to reflect one’s personal style in dress. While many brides and grooms choose traditional western apparel, many do not. For some time, brides and grooms have selected innovative designs and colors for the “second time around.” Likewise, some locations—the beach, for instance—serve as a perfect backdrop for casual wedding garments. But wedding fashions are limited only by a couple’s imagination. Several of my brides have designed and created their own wedding gowns. And for themed weddings (Halloween celebrations, Medieval-inspired weddings, or other affairs), costumes for the couple, guests, and even the officiant are standard fare. Likewise, contemporary weddings, especially in a place like New York, offer couples the rare chance to proudly display garments of their heritage. Scottish grooms, for instance, wear kilts with their clan's particular tartan and adornments. Chinese-American brides may wear a traditional western-styled white dress for the ceremony, changing into a traditional red dress for the reception. Indian bride's highly adorned attire includes gold and silver embroidery, on deep jewel-toned fabric. Sometimes couples choose more subtle additions such as the Swedish bride's jeweled crown. So let your wedding be a blank palate to let your own fashion sense come shining through. The photo above is from a recent Central Park wedding of a stylish British Couple. The groom was in a dapper retro suit (complete with a pocket watch!) and the bride sported a innovative plaid dress, of brightly colored jewel tones, a flattering peplum addition and teal strappy sandals to match.

A Pocket full of Posies

2010-05-12T03:32:00.000-07:00

In a delightful retro-inspired book I Do! I Do!, Susan Waggoner delightfully provides descriptions of the historical evolution of the traditions of classic Western weddings. Waggoner explains that during the nineteenth century, flowers replaced grasses and herbs carried by brides in the Elizabethan era. The Victorians, who loved plants of all types, used ferns and violets and even indoor trees to decorate the wedding space. They also developed the sprays of flowers that flank the brides and grooms, even today. In contemporary American ceremonies, flowers are used throughout the wedding and reception locations—from rose petals thrown on the aisle as the bride approaches her groom to lavish centerpieces at the reception.

An often overlooked part of this decorative element of the wedding is the wonderful meanings attached to some of our favorite nuptial flowers. These symbolic connections can be gently woven through a bit of the ceremony language, providing another opportunity to subtly personalize the wedding day. Consider some of the “meanings” of just a few popular flowers: daffodil….devotion; lavender….luck; dark pink rose….gratitude; bluebell…..gratitude; orchid….rare beauty; lily….majesty; violet….simplicity; light pink rose….grace; iris….warmth of affection.

Some brides choose favorite flowers or those connected to their birth month.
Likewise, many cultures prize certain flowers during wedding celebrations. For example, the Japanese carry white and purple orchids, jasmine, lotus blossoms, and cherry blossoms. Greek brides carry ivy as a sign of eternal love. Czech brides use rosemary, symbolizing fertility and loyalty, in their bouquets. So as your officiant prepares your wedding ceremony, don’t forget to reflect on your flowers as a symbol of your love.

Love: The Best Show in Town

2010-05-02T14:05:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, I was asked to officiate a wedding in Northern New Jersey, for an energetic young couple. They lost their officiant about 10 days before the wedding—so I was something of a last minute replacement. As a Celebrant, not just a wedding officiant, I try to personalize ceremonies even when I have little time to prepare for the ceremony. The couple was overwhelmed with wedding preparation and other demands, so they had little time to provide information that I might use in the ceremony script. One nugget of information that I unearthed was that they met while rehearsing for the age old classic show “The Music Man.” As I so often do, I turned to friends and colleagues to help me brainstorm about my work. My colleague Jayne, a sometimes actor and Broadway enthusiast, suggested that I look at the lyrics of the famous Music Man song, “Till there was You.” Presto! The lyrics, while dripping with sentimentality, were a great way to wrap up their ceremony…..exactly where the relationship started, at this great American show. You just never know where you’ll find a gem for a wedding ceremony!

Till there was You:

There were bells on a hill
But I never heard them ringing
No, I never heard them at all
Till there was you

There were birds in the sky
But I never saw them winging
No, I never saw them at all
Till there was you

Then there was music and wonderful roses
they tell me in sweet fragrant meadows
of dawn and dew

There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you

Then there was music and wonderful roses
they tell me in sweet fragrant meadows
of dawn and dew

There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all
Till there was you
Till there was you

Dancing into Romance & Love

2010-04-01T02:34:00.000-07:00

As a Celebrant I strive to recognize the most important parts of the lives of brides and grooms into their personalized ceremonies. The narrative—an essay chronicling the relationship of the couple—is one of the hallmarks of a celebrant wedding, and it provides a wonderful opportunity to weave the threads of life into a wonderful, one-of-a-kind, compelling rendering of two people falling in love. When getting to know a couple, it is a delicious discovery of who they are that helps develop that perfect wedding.

I recently married a couple that offered some rich choices in writing. Maria and Paul came to me a few weeks ago, wanting to marry on St. Patrick’s day in Central Park, a favorite venue of last-minute unions. Paul, a dashing native of Belfast Northern Ireland, wanted to get married on this day, not only for its cultural significance, but because it was his beloved late grandfather’s birth date. The festivities of this important NYC holiday provided a unique backdrop for a celebration.

Maria, too, came with a fabulously interesting life story. A native Texan, she came to New York as a teenager, to train as a ballet dancer at the School of American Ballet, associated with the New York City Ballet. An international career in dance and a stint at the Dance Theatre of Harlem, were evident in her statuesque figure, grace, and elegance. Maria’s passion gave me an ideal chance to incorporate a favorite wedding passage by Anne Marrow Lindbergh. The reading compares the choreography of a happy marriage with the ease of dance:

“A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate, but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of the Mozart’s. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding.”

Congratulations to my splendid international couple! In the words of a recent pop tune, “I hope You’ll Dance……,” for the remainder of your days!

p.s. One of those quintessential NYC wedding moments took place when Paul, the groom, convinced a gifted “street musician” (a classical cellist) to re-locate from the Bethesda Fountain to the Bethesda Terrace, where we hosted the ceremony, and provide the wedding music (for a small donation, of course!). The celebration was enjoyed by all!

A Little Bit of Mexico in Central Park

2010-03-07T07:46:00.000-08:00

As a Celebrant—not simply a wedding officiant—I strive to personalize each of “my” wedding ceremonies, regardless of time constraints or other challenges. With a short turnaround time and other logistical issues, it isn’t always easy to create the unique, detailed ceremonies that move the bride and groom and their guests. But, “I do the best I can….” A couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by an anxious young groom, looking to marry his beautiful Mexican bride in short order. Although they planned a large, religious ceremony in Central America in a few months, for legal issues they needed to conduct a civil ceremony here in New York. As has been the case, lately, he requested a wedding ceremony in the “Ladies’ Pavilion” in Central Park.

The bride and groom were joined by about a dozen loved ones, including members of the bride’s family from Mexico. I gleaned as much of the couple’s story as possible and incorporated those details into the ceremony script. Also, the vows were exchanged bilingually. But, I wanted to do “more” to shine a lot on the significance of the Bride’s home and culture. The couple, after all, had met in Mexico. With only a short time before the gathering, I did some quick research and added a couple of light-hearted elements that—while not exactly a perfect replication of the Mexican traditions—provided a cultural nod to the bride’s family and a few special moments at the wedding.

For instance, in a Mexican wedding, it is customary for the groom to give his bride a wedding present of 13 gold coins, which are blessed by the Priest. The gesture represents the idea of shared prosperity and the groom’s commitment to care for his new wife. Instead, I connected with this tradition by bringing 13 coins in a small fabric bag and presenting it to the bride and groom, as a remembrance of our time together. Among the coins, which I had collected from my own international travels, were ones from various Central American countries. The bride and groom smiled brightly as I passed the memento.

Also, I learned that immediately following a Mexican wedding, the guests surround the bride and groom (standing side-by-side, forming the shape of a heart) as they take their first dance. For our bride and groom, the guests surrounded the couple in a semi-circle and took a vow of community support during the final portion of the ceremony. This vow reminds the couple that these people will support and nurture them through their marriage, the joys, as well as the trials.

I wish my couple well and hope that these little ceremony gestures provided some small, fun—but respective—connections to the bride’s home.

The Return of Spring

2010-03-02T18:39:00.000-08:00

As a Life-Cycle Celebrant, my role is not only to acknowledge life’s celebrations and rites of passage, but to provide ceremonies of healing. Weddings, civil unions, and commitment ceremonies provide countless opportunities for underscoring the joy of shared lives and the promises of the future. Even vow renewals are happy occasions marking a milestone anniversary. Today, I performed a vow renewal that was a bit of both—a ritual built around healing and celebration.

A few days ago, I was contacted be a fellow from upstate New York. He asked simply if I would perform a vow renewal for him and his wife. I was happy to help and began preparations for a ceremony at dusk, in Central Park. Because we played phone and email “tag,” I wasn’t entirely clear about the ceremony—was this for a wedding anniversary? Some other important day? It was only after we spoke a bit about the specifics of the renewal did he reveal that the couple had been married about four years ago. For most of the third year of their marriage, they were separated. They had recently reunited and were attempting to repair their damaged relationship. So, here we stood in the crisp, snowy park—just the three of us—saying powerful words about renewal, forgiveness, and starting a new chapter in life. In their faces, I felt I could see pain, forgiveness, hope, and fear. My hope as a Celebrant is that this short moment in time provided a bit of healing, encouragement, and a fond memory. Seeing relationships and marriages in peril makes me want to renew my personal vows every day. As I left the Park, I thought about the crocus flowers that are just beneath the blanket of snow…something to look forward to, indeed.

Old-Fashioned Love Meets New-Fangled Technology: Is the Internet Cupid’s Most Potent Arrow?

2010-02-18T17:50:00.000-08:00

Advances in technology and the development of the internet have impacted every aspect of life—including how we meet potential romantic partners, the courtship process, and even the exchange of marriage vows. As a celebrant, one of the first questions I pose to couples is the favorite, “So, how did you meet?” For couples of all ages and backgrounds, many report that they met online. This confession is inevitably followed by a nervous giggle and sheepish grin. The fact of the matter is, according to scholars and researchers who study such things—online dating is a very conventional approach in meeting people, these days.

Take my recent couple, Maria and Ulrich. These two lived half a world apart—she is from the American Southwest, while Ulrich lives in Copenhagen, Denmark. Not only did they meet online, but much of their courtship took place via email and Skype. The Groom is so “wedded” to technology that he actually pulled out his BlackBerry during the ceremony, from which he read his personalized wedding vows. (I’ve subsequently learned that YouTube is filled with videos of wedding couples whipping out PDAs to update their Facebook status, once vows were taken and rings were exchanged!)

While I’m not sure how I feel about Facebook postings during a ceremony, I must admit that a recent brush with matrimonial technology warmed my heart. About two weeks ago, I performed a last minute, intimate ceremony for a beautiful young couple in Harlem. The groom’s much beloved mother lives in Nassau, in the Bahamas. With such a last minute affair, she was unable to join us for the ceremony. So the techno-savvy groom fired up the webcam, and Mom was “present” for the entire ceremony.

Some people believe that technology has done much to hamper inter-personal relationships, but these recent examples of Cupid’s acquisition of technology have convinced me otherwise.

What's Special about a Celebrant-Led Wedding?

2010-02-07T06:22:00.000-08:00

A wedding ceremony is a special event—in all ways. The process of “getting married” is a legal action, entering into a lifelong contract with another, recognized by societal institutions of all sorts. Yet, the wedding ceremony is also a celebration! For some it is a religious ceremony, for others a spiritual or secular observation, marking one of life’s major milestones and rites of passage. Many couples desire a clergy-led ceremony connected to a church, synagogue or mosque. Other brides and grooms seek a legal union courtesy of a Justice of the Peace, judge or other legal officiant. However, many couples desire another option….a third way. As a celebrant community, we believe that we fill this important gap in wedding options for American couples. We are legally credentialed to marry couples, but we are trained as ceremony professionals who will reflect the philosophies and traditions of brides and grooms.

This time of year finds many couples “interviewing” prospective wedding officiants, I thought it would be a terrific time to remind happy brides and grooms how a celebrant can bring a wonderful perspective to the day’s events. I am pleased to reproduce informative materials produced by the Celebrant Foundation & Institute, the organization that trains and credentials celebrants in the U.S. and abroad:

How is a Celebrant Wedding Unique?

Your wedding ceremony should be personal, reflecting who you are as individuals and as a couple. A wedding celebrant certified by the Celebrant Foundation & Institute will take the time to understand your beliefs, your values, and what makes your bond unique.

In a Celebrant ceremony, you are empowered. Nothing is imposed on you. Instead, in a collaborative process, the Celebrant will guide you in choosing rituals, readings, symbols, and music to fulfill your ideals and vision for your wedding. No two Celebrant ceremonies are the same.

Celebrants are ceremony specialists who have a solid background in the history of ritual, ceremony and the tradition of many cultures, beliefs, and religions. They are experts at managing rehearsals and performing weddings. They are experienced in the art of ceremonial public speaking.

Your Celebrant will:

* Meet with you at a no-obligation interview to discuss your vision of the ceremony
* Listen to you to learn your personal story
* Consult with you until the ceremony is just right
* Rehearse with you at your venue
* Provide you with a beautiful keepsake copy of your ceremony

Who Should Choose a Celebrant?

Anyone and everyone! Whether you are secular, religious, spiritual, nondenominational, part of an interfaith or multicultural couple, or if you simply wish to express yourself in a manner of your own choosing, a Celebrant can help you create a ceremony that respects all that is meaningful to you.

The Celebrant Foundation & Institute is a non-profit educational institution dedicated to helping individuals, couples, families and communities mark life’s milestones through personalized ceremonies. Celebrants have performed over million ceremonies worldwide. Celebrants officiate at virtually every life event, including weddings and commitments, baby namings and adoptions, funerals and memorials. With a focus on personalizing each ceremony related to the needs, beliefs, and values of the couple or family. Celebrants are trained in the art of ceremony.

A Special Day for Children, too

2010-01-18T05:54:00.000-08:00

In numerous blog postings, I have commented on the ever-changing nature of American families and the weddings they choose to create. The new American family may likely be a blended one, with children from prior marriages. And, just like in Hollywood, lots of couples have their own children before exchanging wedding vows, these days. Whatever the circumstances, brides and grooms are seeking special ways to involve children in their wedding ceremonies. After all, the celebration is not exclusively about the uniting of the couple, but about the creation of this new family, too.

Over the last months, I have married men and women who have children ranging from two to 22. One of the simplest ways to acknowledge kids at the wedding is through the telling of the couple’s love story. As a celebrant, one of the ceremony anchors that I rely upon is a well-crafted, personalized narrative of the bride and groom’s romance—the heart of the wedding ceremony. Detailing the couple’s history provides a beautiful occasion to mention the children, underscoring the love and commitment offered by the birth parent and the new parental figure. This is a clear way for parents to honor children, without making kids (or parents) anxious about directly participating in the wedding. Some parents choose to make special vows of support to their children during the wedding, perhaps presenting youngsters with a present or token, such as a medallion or piece of jewelry.

For children who aren’t bashful about joining in the celebration, they can be terrific additions to the bridal party. Eager youngster may be adorable flower girls, ring-bearers, or ushers. A helpful website “I Do, Take Two,” outlines fun ideas for kids, ranging from decorating the bride and groom’s car for departure to making the wedding programs. During a sweet November wedding that I officiated, the bride’s seven year old son gently held the rings, while the couple’s two year old daughter squealed with delight, literally running circles around the bridal party—a much loved Whirling Dervish! By contrast, in December, one of “my” brides chose to have the groom’s two teen-aged sons walk her down the aisle for the processional. The options are limitless.

Other couples choose to have children actively participate in a unifying ritual, a potent symbolic gesture. In a wedding that I officiated last week, the bride had two teen-aged daughters, who were invited to partake in the unity candle ceremony. The daughters brought forward a burning candle to their mother. (The groom’s parents did the same for him.) The bride and groom, having received light from their families, then joined the flame together, as a demonstration of their new family—and one strong flame. The increasingly popular sand ceremony functions in much the same way, with individuals holding containers of different colored sand. Each person pours his container of sand into a larger vase, representing the new blended family. As the sands integrate to form a unique pattern, this work of art reminds everyone of the new family being joined together.

The possibilities for incorporating kids into a special day are vast, limited only by the imagination of the couple (and their celebrant!). With an eye towards flexibility and a readiness for the unexpected, brides and grooms can bask in the participation of their children in the special day.

Photo provided by David Myles Photography.

Every Couple has a Love Story

2010-01-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

This year, I am fortunate to be on faculty at the Celebrant Foundation & Institute, the wonderful organization which trains individuals, in America and elsewhere, to perform weddings and other celebrations. This week’s class module was about the vital role of storytelling in the lives of individuals and communities. As I prepared for class, I was struck by the fact that there is a noticeable disconnect between our natural tendency to tell personal stories and the inclusion of these narratives in typical wedding ceremonies.

I believe that most people have a great desire to have their voices “heard.” The goal, I imagine, is enhanced self-awareness and a greater connection with loved ones. These seemingly ethereal goals can be met in simple ways such as updates on Facebook, Twitter, or postings in the blogosphere. Sharing about wedding plans is no different, as many brides and grooms create websites and blogs to chronicle impending nuptials, facilitating virtual conversations with family and friends and heightening anticipation for the special day.

The wonderful writer Christina Baldwin adds that storytelling not only serves the individual but it functions as a connector to a broader community and shared history. Like that need to be heard, men and women hold a similar drive to know “where they come from.” The enthusiastic pursuit of genealogical projects and the popularity of newly-developed personal DNA tests, literally mapping our history, are but two tools that people use to link with original homelands and past generations.

My underlying question in this rambling essay is this…..In standard wedding ceremonies, where do we find this passion for storytelling? I would argue that, to a large degree, it is simply not there! What a shame that the couple’s story is not highlighted during this profound rite of passage.

Celebrants know that offering such a narrative is the heart and soul of a day’s events. Our unique essays are written around simple, but wonderful, questions like “How did you meet?”……. “Tell me about your first date”…… “How does your partner show that he/she loves you?”………. “When did you know this partnership was forever?”……. “What are your dreams for the future?” The couple’s journey is reflected with all of the gravity and levity that it deserves, while recognizing their personalities and sensibilities. The narrative also offers the occasion to honor family members and ethnic ties. The storytelling, in my experience, establishes an obvious intimacy between and among the couple and guests, whether the guest list is 20 or 200. So, as you think about your wedding, I invite you to ponder the unique gifts of a ceremony that tells your story. Celebrants know that it makes all the difference on your wedding day.

Photograph generously provided by John Mazlish.

A Winter Princess Marries her Prince Charming

2010-01-03T12:05:00.000-08:00

One of the great things about a Celebrant-led wedding is that the ceremony can be breathtaking and spectacular in unexpected ways. Lately, it seems, there is an emerging interest in so-called theme weddings. The possibilities for these gatherings are only limited by the imagination. Whether a costume ball for a Halloween wedding or an outdoor ceremony reflecting the bride and groom’s fascination with Medieval history, theme weddings can be a breath of fresh air for the couple, guests, and even the officiant.

I was fortunate enough to participate in a themed-type event on Christmas Eve. For those who haven’t been to New York City during the holidays, it is hard to convey just how magical it is. Even during the challenging days of the recession, the retailers, city officials and others, bring out the finest holiday decorations, as they have for so many years. Fifth Avenue, a world class shopping area, has absolutely spectacular decorations from the window displays at Saks Fifth Avenue to the Cartier Jewelry Store, festively wrapped as a package. For blocks and blocks, one will see lights and adornments that, as far as I know, are simply unmatched in other grand cities around the world. Walking north on Fifth Avenue, one will eventually bump into Central Park—always lovely—is especially stunning when blanketed in snow. The crown jewel of the holiday decorations is most certainly Rockefeller Plaza, perfectly placed in midtown Manhattan. With the enormous Christmas tree, skating rink, life-sized nutcrackers, and 50+ waving flags in red, green and gold, the Plaza will turn even the most hardened holiday scrooge into a jolly soul.

On Christmas Eve, Karina and Nick, a lovely young couple from Ohio, harnassed the holiday exuberance at Rockefeller Plaza into a late afternoon wedding ceremony. It was a real delight. Karina, a naturally pretty woman, looked like a winter princess. She wore a beautifully designed strapless white wedding dress with all of the beading and sparkles of a new bride. On her head sat a crystal tiara that would do the Swarovski Company proud. Draped around her shoulders was a custom-made hooded holiday cape—cherry red with white fur trimming. Her bouquet, made in England, included a bundle of winter berries. Even the groom sported a blazing red shirt under his black suit. I was in the spirit with my own red dress.

While the couple planned a private ceremony at the Plaza promenade, with the tree prominently in the background, I knew it would be anything but “private.” Passers-by love to see weddings—always, anytime, and anywhere. And for tourists lucky enough to be in New York for the holiday, a romantic wedding in front of the world’s most famous Christmas Tree is a feast for the eyes and the heart. Those in the area gathered around to be a part of “our” wedding. I could literally see the twinkle in a number of eyes. No doubt these were people renewing their own wedding vows, privately in their hearts. At the end of our sweet ceremony, a tourist and police officer served as our witnesses. The bride and groom were swept away to take photographs at landmarks including St. Patrick’s Cathedral. They completed their evening with a carriage ride around Central Park and dinner at the famed Tavern on the Green. Our couple has returned to family and friends in Ohio, but I know they will cherish their fairy tale wedding for the rest of their lives.

Photograph courtesy of Laura Pennace Photography.

Beautiful Ceremonies for All

2009-12-31T14:32:00.000-08:00

The end of the year is always a time of contemplation, reflection, gratitude, and renewed hope. I feel particularly grateful this year as my long-time companion developed a sudden and serious health condition, requiring emergency surgery, just days ago. A supremely healthy individual who takes excellent care of his physical health, my boyfriend’s illness reminded me of the fact that our personal fortunes may change swiftly. I am glad to report that his recovery has been, it appears, as speedy as the lightening-quick onset of the condition. No doubt, this has been an emotional jolt, requiring that I re-evaluate how I spend my time and life.

My entire career has been marked by jobs and charitable activities in the non-profit sector. Over the years, I have been involved in progressive public policy ventures, work with children and families, initiatives with arts and culture institutions, and women’s economic development work, among others. As I have fully embraced my Celebrant practice, performing weddings and other life-cycle ceremonies, I have found that my time—and, frankly my resources—have shifted away from front-line charities, to this endeavor. Indeed, serving as a Celebrant is amazingly rewarding. And, I do believe that connecting with people during some of their most transformative life experiences (both joyous and difficult) is a real form of service. But to be honest, my clients are generally firmly rooted in the middle-class. A while back, I instituted a program, “Weddings with a Heart,” which sought to develop a more direct connection between my good fortune to work in this field with the great needs in New York and beyond. As I developed relationships with “my” couples, I invited them to select a charity that they found important in their life. After the wedding, I made a contribution to that non-profit, in honor of their new marriage. It has been fun to encourage couples to think of the fact that their happiness and union could be part of a “virtuous upward cycle of good.” People ensconced in meaningful relationships are simply able to give more of themselves, in all ways. Through “Weddings with a Heart” the celebration extended beyond the couple, immediate family members, and friends. My couples have selected charities ranging from the Central Park Conservancy to Food Banks to Little Flowers Children Services, serving the needs of foster and orphaned children in the New York metropolitan area.

As I pondered 2009 and this troubling decade, “Weddings with a Heart,” as sweet as it is, didn’t seem like enough. Suddenly, I was brought back to a discussion I had with a lovely colleague in my Celebrant community. Linda Donnell Stuart is a beautiful woman (inside and out) who lives in Toronto, Canada. Linda works in an inter-generational family business that provides products connected with the funeral industry. Linda trained as a Celebrant, with a particular emphasis on conducting funerals, memorial services, and other ceremonies of healing. During a phone conversation a few months ago, Linda revealed that part of her mission was to help people, while still alive, to think about how they would tell their life story. She conducts workshops to provide tools for participants to work on this project. I loved the idea. But then she revealed to me a component of her practice that absolutely took my breath away. Within the realistic constraints of her professional life and obligations to her husband and family, she planned to offer a personalized “Celebrant” funeral to those who could not afford to pay for such a service. In other words, she and her colleagues would identify families in economically challenging circumstances and offer a Celebrant ceremony on a pro-bono basis. Wow.

I do not know the details and implementation of Linda’s plan, but the concept did speak to me. I believe that everyone, despite “class” (or the more politically correct term “socioeconomic status”) or circumstance deserves to enjoy and relish beautiful ceremonies and rituals. A struggling single Mom would be moved by a baby welcoming just like a financially successful couple. A foster kid needs a coming of age ceremony every bit as much as adolescents who are nurtured in an intact family. And a woman leaving an abusive relationship would find comfort from a healing ceremony addressing a rocky marital break-up or divorce.

So, a big new year’s resolution for me is to reconnect with some of the wonderful New York charities I have worked over the years, and to offer my Celebrancy services as a volunteer. This will include the full-range of ceremonies: weddings, baby welcomings, home blessings, funerals and beyond. The nonprofit leaders will (I hope) locate people who might be in need of a ceremony, and I will provide them with the kindness and attention I try to give to all of my clients. Celebrancy is a somewhat foreign concept to many Americans, and I do not know of the reception I will encounter. Nonprofits, overwhelmed by financial pressures and ever-increasing demands for services, may simply not have the time or staff to be able to accommodate this kind of collaboration—but it is certainly worth a try. I will report back to you, as the year moves along. I welcome your thoughts about this idea. And, Thanks again Linda, for sharing your beautiful spirit with me.

A Winter Wonderland of Weddings

2009-12-25T12:51:00.000-08:00

As a celebrant in New York City, I sometimes feel guilty that I have an embarrassment of riches in working with interesting, creative couples coming from many ethnic, cultural, and religious viewpoints. Within the span of about two weeks, I am officiating ceremonies for a bride from the Philippines and her African-American husband; two people of the Christian tradition from mid-America, and an American-born Chinese couple. Each couple brings their own sensibilities and customs to our work together.

It was just last week—in the heart of that once-in-a-decade blizzard—that I climbed on the subway, near my home on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Within an hour, I was transported to another world—the Fort Hamilton section of Brooklyn. On that snowy Saturday evening, I entered a vast Chinese Banquet hall to officiate the wedding of a stunning young Chinese couple Eva and Brian. Like many of my couples, Eva and Brian embodied the American dream. Born in the U.S. to Chinese parents, they were part of an enormous multi-generational family. Brian is a police officer for the NYPD and Eva is a student. Although I arrived a good 45 minutes before the ceremony, the frenzied activities were already underway. The bride and groom—decked out in traditional western wedding regalia—were busy taking photographs with every possible combination of family members and friends.

Each part of the ceremony reminded me that like many New Yorkers, these two straddled two worlds. The food and décor were Chinese to be sure. The respect shown to the family elders was palpable, not always the case in Euro-centric gatherings. Many were in festive red garments, the color of luck for weddings. And the "emcee" of the gathering translated the "important parts" of the ceremony and announcements into Mandarin. The bride’s first garment was a lovely white wedding dress, but she would change dresses after the ceremony into a traditional Chinese garb. Although our ceremony was "short and sweet," I did try to draw in certain Asian cultural references, as well bits and pieces of the love story of our young couple. Immediately following the exchange of vows, the couple was swept away to their first dance, the cake cutting ceremony, and signing the marriage license, not necessarily the standard practice in Chinese ceremonies in Asia. As I gathered my belongings to head back to my corner of the world, I passed a Christmas tree in the front lobby of the hall. I smiled to think of how the modern world allows us—as individuals, couples, and families—to honor and maintain all of those customs, traditions, and philosophies that tether us to our ancestors, while welcoming in new ideas and rituals along the way.

Your Wedding Officiant--A Holiday Wish List

2009-12-15T15:33:00.000-08:00

Many couples are tying up plans for their 2010 weddings, before the 2009 holidays are over. Here are some tips and questions to help you find your perfect wedding officiant.

1. Celebrant’s Background. The qualifications one must meet to become an officiant vary from state-to-state. In many cases, those who meet a legal standard of being able to perform ceremonies don’t have specialized training in disciplines appropriate for creating a fabulous ceremony. Don’t be afraid to ask about the Celebrant’s education and training. And if you have concerns about his or her legal status to perform ceremonies, you may certainly ask to see a copy of your officiant’s credentials.

2. Consultation & Creative Process. What is the step-by-step process that the Celebrant uses in writing the ceremony? Will you see a full draft of the ceremony before your big day? If you are dissatisfied with the draft, will the candidate revise it?

3. Sample Work. It is not unreasonable to ask about seeing copies of ceremonies of that the Celebrant has prepared for other couples. You wouldn’t pick food for your reception without a tasting—you needn’t select someone to write your ceremony without looking at the product either.

4. References. While many Celebrants have “endorsements” on their websites and in brochures, if you would like to speak with couples that the candidate has worked with—don’t shy away from asking for a personal reference.

5. Individualized Attention. Some Celebrants are interested in quantity over quality. Will your ceremony be personalized to tell your story or will it be a “cookie cutter” ceremony recycled over and over again? Is the Celebrant willing to work with you in co-creating the ceremony?

6. Rehearsal. Will this person be available for a rehearsal the day of the wedding or even before? Is there an additional charge for that?

7. Back-up. Most of the time, there isn’t a problem with an officiant honoring a commitment on the day of a ceremony, but emergencies do come up from time-to-time. Does this person have appropriate back-up available at a moment’s notice?

8. Flexibility. Is the Celebrant willing to work with you in creating a ceremony, based on your time and availability? Is the candidate willing to meet you between the “interview” and the ceremony, if you wish? Will the Celebrant cooperate with your other vendors—wedding planners, reception managers, musicians, photographers?

9. Follow Up. What are the procedures the candidate follows in filing appropriate legal paper work, such as using a certified mail procedure or a delivery system with a tracking number? Will she/he forward copies of papers filed with various government offices? Will the Celebrant provide you with a copy of your ceremony after your big day?

10. Additional Fees. If travel is necessary for the Celebrant to reach your ceremony site, will she/he charge for transportation costs? Will this person require an overnight stay if the wedding is a considerable distance from home?

Most of all……Do you feel a sense of personal connection when you speak to the Celebrant? Does she have passion about ceremony-making? Do you find that the Celebrant is excited about the prospect of working with you? Does the candidate appropriately “get” that it is an honor to participate in one of the most meaningful days in your life?

Wedding and the City (WATC)

2009-12-05T12:00:00.001-08:00

Several years ago, dreaded news was delivered to many American women when HBO announced that the groundbreaking program “Sex and the City” (SATC) would end production. In a retrospective of the show’s success, actress Sarah Jessica Parker and program creator Darren Star speculated about the elements that distinguished SATC from other series. They argued that beyond the witty repartee, it was the City of New York that partly explained the show’s enormous popularity. New York was, in fact, the fifth leading lady of the show, along with Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, and Carrie. SATC devotees, like my pal Denise, know that Sex and the City shined a light on all that we love about the Big Apple, from famed landmarks to obscure local haunts. As a Celebrant, I have come to consider our heroine NYC as a most important backdrop—or guest, if you will—at destination weddings, large and small.

Lately I have been working with couples travelling to New York for their own special wedding ceremonies, casting iconic New York images as important elements of the wedding. Thanks to the generosity of Cheryl Fielding-LoPalo of Cheryl J. Weddings & Events, I was able to work with Matt and Sherri, a young couple from suburban Washington,D.C. Along with their closest family members, Sherri and Matt wed in Rockefeller Plaza. There is a sweet garden tucked in the middle of Manhattan—602 Loft & Garden, part of the famous “Top of the Rock.” This perfect wedding space is nestled in the bustling midtown area with a manicured garden, reflecting pool, and spectacular landscaping. And in every direction we were surrounded by breathtaking views of NYC’s cityscape. The photo in this posting is our stunning couple poised before St. Patrick’s Cathedral, one of New York’s most important religious institutions.

Likewise, in a few weeks, I will officiate the wedding of a couple from the heartland (Ohio, to be exact). Their dream wedding location: the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Plaza, on Christmas Eve. I suggested a number of other spots that might not be so heavily trafficked and logistically tricky, but their hearts were set. There are a few administrative challenges and no one can “guarantee” that the December 24th ceremony will go off as we hope, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve. As I work in the Rockefeller Complex, I have been seeking to “get to know” the security folks who might help facilitate the process on Christmas Eve! My fingers are crossed, and I will report back to you, gentle readers, once that ceremony has been completed.

As I finished up this blog posting, I was on the Facebook page of my friend Christina Buzzetta who (lucky girl) works at TheKnot.com. I smiled when I noticed her profile picture caption was a famous line uttered by our friend Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City: “If you only get one great love, then New York may just be mine.” I think a lot of brides, in New York and beyond, feel just the same way.

The Comfort of Traditions Lost

2009-11-25T23:28:00.000-08:00

In 2000, Harvard Professor Robert Putnam wrote the landmark book Bowling Alone. A rare piece of academic work, Bowling Alone actually seeped into popular culture. Putnam uses an array of indicators about the social “connectedness” of Americas (including our participation in bowling leagues, believe it or not) to argue what we already know—these days, Americans are less connected to their communities and extended families. The list of factors contributing to isolation is long but includes sky-high divorce rates, geographic mobility of individuals and families, the fragmentation of extended families, and declining affiliations with communities of faith and ethnic origin, among others. Despite Putnam’s exhaustive and compelling study, I do know is that weddings provide a momentary respite for this descent into social isolation…..weddings offer a rare chance for people to physically re-connect with loved ones and, sometimes, even reach back for lost cultural traditions, even if they are small.

The other day I was having an email exchange with a bride who was marrying a fellow of Italian ancestry. She was interested in integrating “something Italian” into the wedding ceremony. Because so many traditional Italian ceremonies are intimately connected with specifically Roman Catholic services (this was an interfaith marriage, with the ceremony not conducted by a traditional clergy person), she was puzzled about what options might exist.

I did a bit of sleuthing in various books and on websites to find a cornucopia of small rituals that could be woven into any sort of wedding. For example, in Italy, little bags of almonds, known as confetti, are given to the guests after the wedding as keepsakes. The almonds, representing the sweet & bitter nature of life, should come in bags of 5 or 7 almonds, which are supposed to bring good luck. Likewise, I learned that some brides and grooms in Southern Italy break a glass at the end of the wedding day. Common wisdom says that the number of pieces that the glass shatters into represents the number of years that the couple will be happily married. And according to The Knot, the Tarantella—a stately and elegant courtship dance (which if not already, should be added to the repertoire of Dancing with the Stars required performances)—is commonly performed by the Bride and Groom at the reception. After finding wedding favors designed with beautiful Murano glass, made in Venice, I realized the list of ways that a bride could honor her groom’s Italian heritage, was limitless.

As something of a Communitarian myself, my hope is that these nods to culture during wedding planning can spark a sustained interest in family heritage. But it is nice to know that a celebration about love can, at least, open conversations about ethnic ancestry, ceremonial customs, and connections to generations past. And, on the eve of Thanksgiving, for that I am grateful.

Gone, but not Forgotten

2009-11-18T13:03:00.000-08:00

From time-to-time I log on to the message boards on weddingbee.com. For those of you who don’t know, it is a no-holds-barred discussion of all things-wedding. I like to keep my finger on the pulse of contemporary brides. Wedding Bee has created an elaborate message board system with threads on dozens of topics (photographers, dresses, florists, etc) and also has message boards for brides in a particular geographic area. These brides provide a treasure trove of information, even on the most arcane topics and delicate etiquette questions.

Of late I have found an interesting and compelling series of discussions about honoring deceased family members during wedding ceremonies. While weddings are joy-filled occasions, it is important for couples to remember who could not be there, as well as those guests in attendance. So the question is—what sorts of ceremonial touches can be added to honor those who have passed.

A number of interesting ideas have been put forward: some brides light a candle in memory of the loved one, perhaps coupled with a photograph of the individual. I have seen such rituals at the beginning of the ceremony and then referenced during the proceedings. One bride said that empty chairs were being left in the front row, representing loved ones lost. Each chair would hold a bunch of flowers. This made me think of a Scandinavian tradition where the bride has two bouquets of flowers—one for the wedding and one to be placed at the grave of the departed relative. Finally, many young women indicated that they were noting their loved ones in the program to be handed out to guests.

Perhaps my favorite activity that served this function took place at a young colleagues wedding. To honor the deceased parents of the groom, there was a butterfly release during the ceremony. According to some Native/First People’s folklore, when one whispers a wish to a silent butterfly, she carries that wish to Heaven. Guests were ask to take a moment to remember the parents.

So while weddings aren’t usually thought of as times to remember those who are no longer with us, there are fantastic and moving options to honor loved ones during creative wedding ceremonies.

p.s. Since writing this essay a year ago, I have now made it a tradition to give each one of "my" brides a vintage butterfly pin, to add to her collection of wedding remembrances. In addition to the wonderful Native American folklore, the butterfly is a fabulous symbol of personal change and growth, for brides and grooms, as individuals and as a couple.

The Bridge to a New Life Together

2009-11-15T02:55:00.000-08:00

It is a wonderful thing to live in New York, the home of so many immigrants. There is simply no other place in America where one can find such a variety of people representing virtually every continent and culture. So, a good number of the couples who I am fortunate to marry, come to the Big Apple after a significant personal voyage…literally.

Olga and Maxim had their own heroic journeys to their wedding day. Both born in the Russian Federation, they met here in Brooklyn some years ago. (I cannot help but digress as we have just passed the 20 year anniversary of the falling of the Berlin Wall. I am quite conscious of the fact that during the old days of the "Soviet Empire," my couple would not have had the opportunity to come to the United States—a triumph of peace and diplomacy, indeed.) In many ways their courtship was typical with long walks and conversations, shared interest in music, and the connection to another homeland. They did, however, face challenges of intercontinental separation, jobs changes, and immigration policies, but one thing they knew is that they were meant to be together. A month or so ago, Olga approached me about performing a ceremony on the Brooklyn Bridge, a place of sentimental attachment to her. As a celebrant, I relish the opportunity to perform weddings in unusual venues. I am embarrassed to admit that I had never walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, so what better opportunity to make the trek than officiating a wedding, mid-point?

The wedding, on Friday the 13th, coincided with an unusually strong Nor’easter, with rain and very cold blasts of wind. Despite the frigid temperatures, our bride wore a classic, contemporary (and strapless!) dress. Both the “maid of honor,” her sister, and the “best man” were Russian. So, as we approached the vows, I passed the baton to the groom’s dear friend, who recited the vows to the couple, in their mother tongue.

The ceremony was private, just the five of us, and the magnificence of the bridge was not lost on us. As I said in their ceremony, “There are few vistas that are more intimately connected with all of the wonder and hope and grandeur that is New York. This bridge embodies the possibility of human ingenuity, artistic vision, cooperation, and dedication—all elements of successful lives and marriages. Moreover, the bridge is a palpable reminder of connections and transitions, between your lives, your original homeland, your families, and your future. This day and place is a threshold whereby you are passing from two individuals who are deeply in love to become a married couple and a new family.”

And so it was. When performing weddings in public venues, such as this, I always feel as though I am offering a blessing to the passers-by. Who, after all, doesn’t love a wedding? On a cold blustery day, to see a young woman, in full wedding regalia, her sister in a long, beautiful red dress, two dapper young men, and a very cold celebrant engaging in one of the most significant transitional moments in life…..it doesn’t get better than that!

With This Ring....

2009-11-14T10:57:00.000-08:00

It is the proposal—typically accompanied by the giving of a ring—that begins the engagement, a time of preparation not only for the wedding but the marriage. While I dare say that the typical American bride spends a good bit of time and energy thinking about her engagement ring, the ring vows and exchange during the wedding ceremony seem like a minor point in the entire affair. However, in a richly personalized ceremony, the symbolism of a ring can be nicely underscored.

The power and imagery of the ring is potent—the circle reminds us of the unending nature of love. It is with no beginning or end. The rings are made of precious metals to symbolize not only the value of the relationship but the strength of the bond. Since the time of the ancient Egyptians, people have said that the vein runs from the fourth finger of the left hand to the heart, explaining why most couples wear bands on that finger.
These body adornments are the most immediate sign to the outside world that one person has made an enduring commitment to another.

There are many tidbits of wisdom and folklore surrounding the ring. My good friend Adrienne shared a fun little book with me, Happy is the Bride the Sun Shines On: Wedding Beliefs, Customs, and Traditions by Leslie Jones. Among the many bits of folklore she provides are the following……“The groom should make a wish as he puts the ring on the bride’s finger”……… “It’s lucky if the groom buys the wedding ring with money from the sale of something very dear to him”……. “The number of diamonds in one’s engagement ring is the number of children the bride will bear” ….“It is good luck to have one’s birthstone in her engagement ring, but opals and pearls are bad luck in the ring.”

Despite the standard format of most ring ceremonies, there are interesting “flourishes” one may wish to consider. For instance, more and more modern brides are wearing colored gemstones in engagement rings, which offer fabulous notions that can be incorporated into the wording. One of “my” recent brides received an engagement ring which included sapphires from the groom’s mother. To the ceremony, I added a bit about the meaning of this favorite blue gemstone: the sapphire, a precious emblem of heaven, virtue, truth, constancy, and contemplation.

Likewise if a ring is a family heirloom or was custom-designed for the couple, this is a wonderful chance to discuss the love of family or the intent of the bride and groom in designing and selecting the rings. (As I was writing this blog posting, I even noticed that a socially conscious bride and groom can buy co-called conflict free diamonds, from a progressive company, as advertised on the “Offbeat Bride” website!)

The ring exchange may even allow the community of guests to be involved in the ceremony. I recently led a community blessing of the rings at a modest sized wedding. As we prepared to begin the wedding, the couple’s bands were passed person-to-person to each wedding guest. Each individual held the rings in his or her warm hands for a moment, pausing to offer, in silence, a blessing to the couple. The rings eventually made their way back to the bride and groom, for the vows and exchange.

So, I close these musings with a suggestion to brides, grooms and officiants: the wedding ring vows and exchange, like so many other components of the traditional wedding ceremony, offer a unique moment to personalize the ceremony~

Tying the Knot

2009-11-05T14:40:00.000-08:00

Last month, I had the very great pleasure to marry Cynthia and Fran, a lovely couple in Connecticut. From our first email exchange, I could sense that this was a special couple—gentle spirits in a sometimes harsh world. In all of our wedding preparations they were kind, gracious, and lovely.

Cynthia and Fran represented a “dream couple” for any Celebrant. They were creative, innovative, fun and gracious. Both were reflective and considerate and provided fabulous material to help me create a special narrative of their romance and path to the altar. It took a number of years for this romance to blossom, but as I said in the ceremony, this couple embodied the expression, “Good Things Come to Those Who Wait!”

A special ceremonial flourish was courtesy of Fran, who is of Fillipino ancestry. From the beginning of our work together, Fran and Cynthia clear that they wanted to pay special honor to his Motherland. After reviewing numerous ritual choices, they decided that they wanted to include a traditional “cording” ceremony as they took their wedding vows. Many ethnic and religious traditions provide colorful rituals to represent the unification of a man and a woman (not to mention two families and potentially two cultures) in the wedding proceedings. In this sweet ritual, the mothers of our bride and groom lovingly placed a decorative cord over the necks of the bride and groom. The ritual had several interpretations. The cord was symbolically placed in a figure eight configuration, representing the infinite nature of the new union—marriage is for all time. Moreover, the strength of the cord, as shown in the picture below, is a visual representation of the power of the marriage union. Just lovely!

The cording ceremony is part of a long list of unifying rituals ranging from “handfasting” to sand ceremonies. I relish the opportunity to draw in the customs of the bride and/or groom’s ethnic background(s) in fashioning a ceremony. The expressions of love and commitment are limitless and American couples are increasingly drawing upon the customs of their countries of origin, allowing an expansive cornucopia of beautiful ceremonies. So for this lovely experience, I thank my bride and groom, their extraordinary family members, the staff of the Stonecroft Inn and such and Ian Pawluck photographer capturing the moment.

Variety is the Spice of Life

2009-10-26T22:34:00.000-07:00

The gift of a Celebrant led wedding is a personalized ceremony that reflects the uniqueness of the couple. I may be biased, but I think there is a natural selection process—men and women who seek out celebrants tend to be particularly fascinating people. We give our clients permission to go beyond the standardized “cookie cutter” ceremonies that are prevalent in popular culture. Rather, we encourage a dynamic, creative process and plenty of “thinking outside the box.” Such was the case with a beachside wedding in September for two scholars.

My couple had a colorful story and took great care in planning every aspect of the wedding, giving each detail—the processional, attendants, flowers, music, and apparel—
their own imprimatur. Two ceremonial selections were especially compelling, I thought. The bride, originally from a central European country, had a number of her family members attending—some of whom had limited comprehension of English. As such, the entire ceremony was spoken in English and her native tongue. I would speak one paragraph, followed by the translation by a family member. It was quite touching to see the responses of the bride’s family when the words were read in her mother language. Even without on-site translation, bi-lingual components can be added to a wedding with the help of tools like online translation services. This wedding addition serves to honor the ethnic origins of the participants, in an unforgettable fashion.

Likewise, my couple selected an uncommon food-related custom as part of the closing portion of the wedding. While Western weddings place great emphasis on food and drinks, it is normally reserved for lavish feasts during the reception. However, a number of religious, ethnic and cultural traditions incorporate food rituals into the wedding ceremony. Perhaps the most familiar is the sharing of wine in Jewish, French, and Greek weddings. In Chinese weddings, two goblets of honey and wine are tied together with a red ribbon and shared by the bride and groom. Greek weddings may end with honey and walnuts on a silver spoon, a sign of sweetness and fertility. Certain Middle Eastern cultures will offer sweet milk and dates during the wedding. The list goes on and on.

So, after great consideration, my couple selected a ritual, “partaking of spices,” that is tied to Africa. Four small spice bowls were filled with the elements of life: lemon juice for sorrow, vinegar for bitterness, cayenne pepper for passion, and honey for sweetness. The bride, having spent considerable time studying in Africa, was quite fond of this idea. And in typical fashion, the bride and groom customized the ingredients to most closely connect with “their story.” The vinegar was exchanged for a stout Slavic spirit and honey was replaced by one of their favorite sweet candies. This part of the program was choreographed and narrated by one of their attendants. This was a fantastic ending to a superb wedding.

It is a real pleasure working with such an outstanding couple who have rich life experiences that can inspire a memorable wedding ceremony. I am utterly certain that this bride and groom will bring the same flourish and innovation to all that they do, personally and professionally. Peace and All Good Things!

East Meets West: A Perfect Blend of Old and New in a Wedding Ceremony

2009-10-19T05:22:00.000-07:00

Last month, I officiated the wedding of Ben and Jane. Ben is a dashing member of the financial community here in New York. From Britain, Ben reminds me a bit of James Bond (during the Pierce Brosnan years). Jane is a willowy beauty of Chinese ancestry. The two embody understated sophistication. Together we created a ceremony that brought together the best of both worlds, East and West, just like the bride and groom.

Their wedding was held in the W Hotel-Union Square in Manhattan. As one would expect in a W Hotel, it was a sleek, modern building with streamlined furnishings and a minimalist design. In speaking with John Benke, he explained that the building was erected in the early 1900s and was previously the Guardian Life Building, a landmark in the Beaux Arts tradition. The area in which the wedding was held, unlike the overall décor of the hotel, was highly ornate with extraordinary marble and stunning ceiling adornments and fixtures--a real hidden gem and a remembrance of the building’s original grandeur. The wedding decorations were relatively simple, letting the spectacular beauty of the room stand out.

Like the location, the wedding was a perfect combination of tradition and modernity. The couple used a classical string trio and a brief conventional ceremony. In honor of her Asian ancestry, Jane used her Chinese name during the exchange of vows. This gesture must have been touching for her family members.

One ceremonial element that the couple included was a signing of a ceremonial wedding document, following the vows and ring exchange. Document signings are a fixture in traditional Jewish weddings. The ketubah, a marital agreement, is signed by the bride and groom before the ceremony and is read out under the chuppah, the wedding canopy. According to my celebrant colleagues, the signing of a ceremonial marriage license during wedding is enjoying renewed popularity. This simple ritual is a striking visual reinforcement of the verbal vows taken moments before.

Perhaps the sweetest bridge to the East in this wedding was the private tea ceremony held by the families of the bride and groom, earlier in the day. In Asian cultures this is a most important feature of the union, where families meet to partake in a highly choreographed ritual embodying honor, dignity and family commitment. (Even Ben was required to speak some Mandarin during the ceremony, which caused him a good bit of anxiety!) In a time when the mantra of New York weddings is often “the bigger, the better,” it is heartwarming to know that for this special couple, it was the private ceremony that anchored the day.

My hat is off to these two promising individuals who superbly designed their wedding to reflect their histories and sensibilities.

Photographs courtesy of David Myles Photography.

Wedding Ceremonies in the Key of Life

2009-10-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

I recently had the opportunity to marry a musically-inclined bride and groom. Jackie and Craig march to the beat of their own drummer, and their wedding beautifully reflected that fact. There was a subtle, sweet musical score that one could hear throughout the ceremony.

The couple met serendipitously at a concert in Ann Arbor, Michgan. They were at a local club to hear the “Dirtbombs” . After some flirtation and an exchange of email addresses, they met for a date a few weeks later. The rest, as they say, is history.

Jackie and Craig are not only music lovers, they are educators, too. A few years ago, they moved to New York to pursue teaching careers. Along the way, they formed a band "Rock ‘n’ Roll Monkey and the Robots,” made a home, and decided to marry. Clearly they were in perfect harmony.

This syncopated couple had a “Rockabilly” band at their reception. The lead electric guitarist played Mendelssohn’s Wedding March as the bride was escorted down the aisle. While the rendition seemed more in line with the annual South by Southwest Festival in Austin than suburban Long Island where the wedding was held, it was a perfect anthem for the couple.

As you can see from the photo, our off-beat bride let her creativity and personality shine through in all aspects of the wedding. Her sister, a design student in New York City, fashioned the retro-dress. Jackie bore a striking resemblance to the beloved Audrey Hepburn, don’t you think?

I am so happy when a couple like Craig and Jackie, who do so much for so many people, can orchestrate a wedding that perfectly suits their sensibilities. Bravo!!

Photo courtesy of Clint Spaulding.

The Art of a Beautiful Ceremony

2009-10-11T18:55:00.000-07:00

New York is an absolute treasure trove of multi-talented people, doing interesting work. Last year, I was volunteering with “Arts to Grow,” a worthy nonprofit that places practicing artists in public elementary school classrooms (a much-needed response to reduced funding for arts education programs). As part of ATG’s benefit committee, I had the opportunity to get to know Katherine Gressel, a petite dynamo with art & arts administration degrees from Yale and Columbia. Like many of us, Katherine wears several hats—she works with ATG, while perfecting her own craft and being involved in numerous community-spirited activities. Through a posting on Facebook, I noticed one of Katherine’s fabulously interesting projects that spoke to my work as a wedding officiant. Katherine drew my attention to a “live art” project—a painting—that she had done during a wedding and reception at a lovely venue in upstate New York. The commissioned work was a beautiful representation of the day’s festivities; it must have been incredibly meaningful gift for the bride and groom.

Seeing Katherine’s piece was something of a “Eureka” moment for me about integrating art and a special moment in life. In pondering Katherine’s gift to the couple, I suddenly thought of dance performances painted by Degas or Leroy Neiman creating abstract art during an athletic competition. I was truly excited by this prospect of “marrying” art and a lovely wedding ceremony.

The notion of bringing an artist to a marriage celebration fits, I think, into an emerging trend. These days, couples are relying less on videography (or may choose to skip it all together) and more on still photographs. Many brides and grooms are not satisfied with the “standard” shots including family members, arranged in every possible combination and permutation. Rather, my couples want innovative, unusual, artistic photos of their big day. An extraordinary painting of the celebration seems a logical extension of this sentiment. While an artist could certainly create an interesting piece of art after the event, based on a special photograph, why not draw the artist into this glorious occasion?

After pondering this idea for a while, I learned that there are artists who specialize in this kind of project, working at weddings, large parties, charity events, and other celebrations. I recognize that this arrangement might be out of the budget of many couples today. But even cost-conscious brides and grooms might consider a younger, less-established artist. New York is certainly full of such individuals—but so is every community in America! And with the internet, the joining of eager artists and creative couples is only an email away.

Whether a couple chooses to add this extra ceremonial flourish to the wedding day or it is conceived of as a once-in-a-lifetime gift, I cannot think of a grander way to commemorate a couple’s “I Dos.”

The location of this wedding was Osborn Castle/Cat Rock in Garrison, NY. For more of Katherine's work see her website.

Katherine Gressel Live Painting from Nathaniel Armstrong on Vimeo.

The Blessings of Animals

2009-09-27T04:13:00.000-07:00

I am suffering a bit of insomnia this Sunday, as I will be officiating a wedding in Central Park. The weather, with light, but persistent, showers, may have something else in mind for us. The bride and groom, Sarah and Bill, are terrific. Sarah is a dog lover and decided that their beloved pooch Boefje should be the ring bearer. While this may strike some as odd, in the Celebrant community it is not that uncommon, believe it or not. For, a hallmark of the Celebrancy movement worldwide is a deep appreciation for all creatures.

It is a fitting time for Boefje’s wedding debut, as we are approaching the Saint’s Day for Francis of Assisi. Many are familiar with the beautiful St. Francis prayer (Lord make me an instrument of your peace, where there is hatred, let me sow love….), but he is also well known for his love of animals. Indeed, this is the time of year when many churches, Catholic and Protestant open their Sanctuaries for the “Blessing of the Animals.” A Christian church around the corner from my apartment, for instance, proudly displays a banner for today’s “Blessing of the Animals.” As we passed by the church yesterday, walking home from the Metropolitan Museum, my boyfriend noticed the sign and murmured about the silliness of it all. As a good Celebrant, I tried to remind him that in modern America—and particularly in a place like New York— pets have taken on a vital role as family members, for many. With extended families on the decline and vast numbers of people living alone, pets provide companionship and unconditional love for so many. The Celebrancy community acknowledges these connections by routinely leading services related to animals, such as pet memorials. My Celebrant colleague Dorry Bless, for instance, is officiating a ceremony in October at St. Hubert’s Animal Welfare Center (http://www.sthuberts.org/), where she will bless the wonderful dogs being raised to work as guide and service dogs for the blind and disabled.

Recently I came across an article in the Christian magazine Guideposts, most often associated with the great Norman Vincent Peale. The piece described a minister who was struggling with a dwindling congregation in North Weymouth, Massachusetts, outside Boston. “Out of nowhere” the idea came to her—to let congregants bring their animals to worship services. It was a huge success! (http://www.guideposts.com/story/bring-your-dog-church.)

It is refreshing and energizing to see so many spiritually-inclined institutions recognizing the role that animals play in our communities. I’m glad the Celebrancy community is at the forefront. So, as I close, the sun is nearly rising. We are keeping our collective fingers (and paws) crossed that Boefje will have his debut.

p.s. We did end up having the wedding outside. It was cold and wet, but the dog looked mighty cute.

Wedding with a Heart

2009-09-24T18:13:00.001-07:00

Charity has always been important to me. For years I have worked in the nonprofit sector and been active in philanthropic causes. That charitable impulse is one of the reasons that Celebrancy was so appealing to me—this is a lovely, creative way to be of service to people during important moments in their lives. So, it was a natural next step when I decided “marry” my Celebrancy practice with charitable giving.

I recently decided to launch “wedding with a heart.” It is a simple idea. For each wedding that I am lucky enough to officiate, I will make a contribution to a charity of the couple’s choice. For me, this is a small way of “giving back.” I am exceedingly grateful to do this kind of work—why not share my good fortune with others? With nonprofits facing financial struggles due to the recession, they can certainly use the assistance. And, there is no better way to recognize the love of the individuals who are marrying, than shining a light on things that they care about. So my couple who will be married in New York City’s Central Park this weekend have asked that a donation be made to the Central Park Conservancy, to maintain their beloved park.

I think it is an emerging trend to link the gift of falling in love and marrying with sharing one’s blessings. For instance, in 2002 the “I Do Foundation” was started in Washington, D.C. The Foundation has developed partnerships with major retailers, so that when couples receive gifts purchased through these stores, a donation will be made to a charity of the Bride and Groom’s choice. Some brides and grooms skip gifts altogether, asking that donations be made directly to charity instead.

So, my little contribution is one little way to keep the virtuous cycle of loving going and giving.

Romance on the Danube

2009-09-04T06:04:00.001-07:00

I write to you from beautiful Budapest, Hungary, one of the grand cities of the Austro- Hungarian Empire. I have been fortunate to spend time over here during the last several years, as it is the motherland of my partner Laszlo. Budapest is a beautiful, stately city, hugging the Danube River. Now two decades since the fall of Communism, Budapest is restoring its luster of eras gone by.

My love of weddings well pre-dates my becoming a Celebrant. During much of my 30’s, I travelled a good deal. It was a wonderful time of self-growth and learning, one that I hope positively informs my Celebrancy practice. No matter where I wandered, I was always on the lookout for weddings. From near or far, I truly enjoyed peeking in on these happy days for brides, grooms, and their families. And I prided myself on having a “sixth sense” of knowing when and where I might run into a wedding celebration (think “Wedding Crashers” meets “Roman Holiday”).

As I am now an officiant, I use any travel opportunity to help me become a more creative Celebrant—meeting new colleagues, visiting museums, or learning about local wedding customs. So, of course, coming to Hungary has piqued my curiosity of wedding customs in Central Europe.

Of those Hungarians declaring a religious affiliation, about half are Roman Catholic, about 20 percent are Protestant, with small numbers of Greek Orthodox and Jews. According to a wedding traditions website, all Hungarian marriages must have a civil ceremony. Many couples choose to have a religious ceremony after the civil service. Some, in fact, parade from the civil service immediately to the house of worship.

In the past, Hungarian brides wore colorful dresses, heavily embroidered with flower motifs. In her elaborate dress, with many petticoats and an impressive headpiece, symbols of wheat were sewn in, as a sign of fertility. Today, most brides wear modern “western style” white bridal gowns. During traditional church ceremonies, it is customary for the bride and groom to sit on a platform, outside the house of worship. As guests arrive, they will read poems, sing songs, or share memories or good wishes with the bride and groom. And, today it is still customary for couples to wear wedding rings on their left hands during the engagement period. After the wedding ceremony, the rings are switched to the right hand. After the wedding the bride gives a gift of three or seven handkerchiefs to the groom. Both three and seven are thought to be lucky numbers. The groom usually presents his bride with a small bag of coins—this symbolizes that the husband will give all that he has to his new bride, entrusting her with his worldly fortunes. The wedding reception includes food and drink and things near and dear to the hearts of Hungarians—most notably food heavily seasoned with Paprika, the national treasure to which Hungarians attribute magical properties.

The photo included here is from a Saturday wedding that I ambled into while walking around the Castle in Budapest. Wonderful!

Home is where the Heart Is

2009-09-02T07:13:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of marrying two lovely young people Gail and Jason. Theirs was a quintessential modern day romance—intercontinental and filled with demanding professional obligations. Jason and Gail met while in graduate school at the University of Edinburgh. Their time together in Scotland, affirmed their love for one another, first as friends, then as flat mates, and finally as a romantic couple. Upon graduation, Jason, a native Texan, returned to the United States to attend law school at Mr. Jefferson’s University, the University of Virginia. A marriage proposal last Thanksgiving led to the inevitable question, “Where should such a globe-trotting couple marry?” With friends and family coming from all points in America, as well as Australia, the U.K. and Continental Europe, New York became the “logical” choice for the wedding. What is better than a late summer wedding in Central Park?

I was so honored to lead the ceremony, in part because of my own Scottish ancestry. (I must admit that I was thrilled to learn that there are relatives in the bride’s family that share my surname “Ritchie.”) Our planning was remote—via email and telephone, but I came to feel kinship with these two. The wedding was held in a sweet Gazebo in the southern part of Central Park, a little nest known as the "Cop Cot Gazebo." Interestingly, this is a Scottish phrase which, translated, means “the little house on the crest of the hill.” Perfect, right?

There were touches of Scotland all around—from the kilts worn by several members of the wedding party to the Scottish flag on which the wedding cake was lovingly placed. However, I am confident that our couple and their friends and family members felt very much at home in the Big Apple.

As my celebrancy practice continues to bloom, I anticipate working with many more couples who make New York their wedding destination. As I did with Jason and Gail, I stand ready to help with all aspects of the wedding preparations including venue selection, assistance with music, flowers and other wedding elements, travel arrangements, and the challenges of negotiating a wedding license at the New York City Clerk’s office. So Congratulations Gail and Jason! You were a complete joy to work with.

Photograph by Jeffrey Mosier Photography

Wedding Belles & Wedding Bells

2009-08-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

For many reasons, young couples request private, impromptu weddings in New York. Through the generosity of my Celebrant colleague Shauna Kanter, I was afforded the opportunity to perform such a ceremony yesterday morning. After cursory email exchanges, I was asked to perform a “standard,” no frills ceremony for a young couple downtown. They needed to have their legal paperwork in order, before heading off to Europe for a grand, destination wedding attended by family and friends. My impression was that they would be fine if I dropped by their apartment and provided them with an experience like one they might have with a notary public….impersonal, bland, quick, and perfunctory. I, of course, would have none of it! In these instances, I try—gently, I hope—to remind brides and grooms that while their focus has been on their public wedding, this moment was important and special in its own way. THIS was a date they will always remember, when they take vows representing promises made long ago in their hearts. Why rush through it? Even without a fancy ceremony, we (the bride, groom, myself, and the witnesses) could savor this day in the life of these beautiful young people. And so we did.

As I had my hair done for the occasion, I dashed off special words for “my” couple that might help them remember this day for its own unique wonder. I arrived at their door carrying a bag of celebrant tricks: a hastily prepared bouquet of flowers from my local bodega—pretty pink and white flowers tied with white satin ribbon; a “bride’s cake” (vanilla cupcake with vanilla icing from “Crumbs”) and “groom’s cake” (chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing) for sharing sweets after the vows; and a bundle of white balloons. I couldn’t manage to get butterflies or doves for a post ceremony release, but these worked fabulously.

I was extremely pleased that the couple and their attendants had gotten into the spirit of the day. The bride looked stunning in a strapless white dress. The groom wasn’t wearing anything special, but he was beaming. After initially thinking that they wouldn’t “bother” to take pictures, they changed their mind. Soon, the bridesmaid was wielding a video camera with the passion and prowess of Steven Speilberg, while the best man took photos throughout our little ceremony. These are keepsakes, after all!

We made our way to a fabulous roof garden. The only request of the bride and groom was that we time the ceremony so that the declaration of marriage would coincide with the bells ringing at noontime. Their building was near a famous clock tower in lower Manhattan. I was game! In the early days, the bells tolled after weddings to chase demons and evil spirits away. I provided an alternative description. I suggested to our bride and groom that in the future, be it in their neighborhood, on a holiday in Europe or anywhere else, when they heard bells to return to this intimate ceremony and remember all the blessings that had been bestowed upon them. So often we rush through moments in life, be they small or “big,” without savoring them. Many cultures use bells and chimes to center the mind and spirit. And bells chiming, in churches or elsewhere, are such a joyous expression of love and marriage. (One of my favorite movie moments of all time is that scene from the Sound of Music where two of the Von Trapp boys are ringing the Cathedral bells after Maria and the Captain are married!). What a lovely idea this was.

So our ceremony commenced. Vows were exchanged. And when the bells started at noontime, I declared them Man and Wife! In a delicious coda, after the ceremony was over the bride said, “It’s a funny thing, we hated those bells going off when we moved into this apartment.” Isn’t it nice how our perspective can change?

So, to my young couple, peace and all good things. Have a most fabulous celebration in Europe. Blessings to you.

(Cyber) Web of Love

2009-08-21T09:44:00.000-07:00

Today is a special day. Katie Price and her beloved Anthony are getting married! Katie’s mother Janet is a childhood friend of mine. Janet, a beautiful woman inside and out, was a lovely young bride. She and her adoring Steve grew up together—their happy marriage has seen them through Steve’s medical school, residency, board exams, and the birth and rearing of eight (yes 8!) much loved children. Katie is the oldest. Janet’s marriage is always one that I hold up as an example of how it can really work. She and Steve adore each other and even after more than 20 years of marriage, they have weekly “date night.” Janet glows when she speaks of Steve (and vice-versa). Katie could not have had more loving role models of a married couple.

It wasn’t a surprise when her lovely daughter Katie got engaged before finishing nursing school. In typical “Price family fashion,” Katie finished school, passed her nursing exams, and prepared for a wedding, all without breaking a sweat. No doubt, this wedding will be a magnificent occasion. The Price family is deeply faithful and this celebration will be about much more than flowers and food at the reception.

Over these months of wedding preparation, I have been amused by the wonderful power of “social media” to draw in the Price Family’s enormous and sprawling network of friends and family into the process. We as Celebrants sometimes lament that the time leading up to the wedding often has little to do with marriage and a lot to do with party planning. In an effort to address this imbalance, we offer spiritually inclined “showers” that allow for friends and family of the bride (or the bride and groom) to gather as a community offering her advice, support, comfort and wisdom (as opposed to lingerie from Victoria’s Secret or pre-registered gifts from Crate & Barrel). In certain respects, I have witnessed this sort of coming together on Facebook, of all places. After some trepidation about social networking, Baby Boomers (and those of us lodged between the Boomers and Gen X) have embraced Facebook with great enthusiasm. So throughout Katie’s engagement, I was able to read loving postings from Mom Janet, Katie’s sweet Aunts, Cousins, her Grandparents, and many friends. Mixed with words of loving kindness were the fun updates on wedding planning “stuff” (“We went to hear musicians today”…..”We did reception food tastings”……”Katie had her final fitting”…..). We were all part of the wedding planning process. In these final days before the wedding, Janet posted meaningful passages and appropriately sentimental wedding songs from You Tube. Last night’s selection, “I Loved Her First,” by Heartland, allowed me to shed tears in unison with another family friend in the Midwest.

So as those of us in remote locations wait for the inevitable pictures posted on Facebook after the big event, we are connected together in a cyber-web of love and appreciation for a young bride and groom, a loving family and the many blessings that have been bestowed upon them. We raise our hearts to Katie and Anthony!

Peace and all good things. Love, Aunt-ish Sarah

Social Science Research Meets Love

2009-08-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

As I have fully embraced my role as a celebrant, I find myself thinking about relationships and marriages a lot. We celebrants take great pride in “telling the story” of the couple about to be married. It is a wonderful, sweet, moving part of the ceremony–how “our” couple found each other, fell in love, and decided to marry. I try to fill these stories with all of the gravity (and levity) that a wedding day deserves.

This morning I decided to try an experiment. On my facebook page, I invited “friends” to tell me how they met their beloved. A couple of dozen individuals replied. It was great fun reading about their experiences. While there were some themes among the folks who replied, the bottom line: magic–just plain magic–happens all the time. I don’t know if my sample is a representative one, but a few people met in school, some met at work. I had a good number of “was introduced by a mutual friend,” etc. etc.

But then there were posts like this, from my high school friend Melody: I was working a 2nd job bartending part-time when I was a single mom w/ 2 boys and he was the Budweiser man. He never knew what hit him, he is still shaking his head 17 years later. Or how about this, from my colleague Cheryl: we met in a baseball chat room just by chance. I had never been in a chatroom and it was the first time I wandered in. Started talking to him, then after about 2 hours of online talk, he wanted my number. I was anxious, but something told me to give it to him. We talked for another three hours and then every night since then. After 4 months of long distance talk, we met in person, hit it off, and we decided that I should move to NYC. Moved in Sept 05, got married Nov 07, going on two years now! Everytime I meet a couple, I am dumb struck by the “chances” that they found each other. It is all a wonderful miracle of the universe.

This evening, after work, I was out with a few of my girlfriends. These ladies are dynamite–smart, attractive, witty, accomplished, and kind. And, for the most part, they are still looking for amazing companionship. In a city like New York, for women of a certain age, the oft-quoted statistics can be overwhelming. But, I hope when these super women read this blog they might take away my hypothesis–magic happens all the time. It can happen anytime. And it need only happen once.

p.s. The shot above is of Carmie and Bob. They recently renewed their wedding vows in NY, in honor of their 10th wedding anniversary. She is originally from Montreal; Bob is from Toronto. They met on a seemingly mundane business training trip to NYC, 12 years ago. Magic.