I blame this on my very good friend Denise, but I find myself watching “reality” TV shows, lately—more than I would care to admit. From time to time, I tuned in to “Bethenny Getting Married.” I rationalized by thinking it was relevant to my work as a Celebrant. For those who don’t know Bethenny Frankel, she was one of the “The Real Housewives of New York City,” part of the Bravo series. Bethenny is a very attractive 30-something woman of great accomplishment in the worlds of food and entertaining and is considered something of a staple on the New York Post’s “Page Six” gossip column. To those of us looking on, she is the consummate “personality” gifted in the art of business and self-promotion.
Perhaps 18 months ago, she met the man of her dreams. After a whirlwind romance (and subsequent pregnancy) she found herself planning her dream wedding. These developments must have made the Bravo television producers deliriously happy; for, it naturally meant a spin-off, “Bethenny Getting Married.” Over the course of a dozen or so “episodes,” the New York glamour girl planned a very high-end wedding, with her trademark wit and a dose of self-deprecating humor. Having been an event planner, she knew the ins-and-outs of a grand affair. She was accompanied in her planning process by a New York wedding planner of some note. The series chronicled—in great detail—her a campaign to secure the Four Seasons Restaurant for her venue, the search for a stunning dress that could accommodate her growing belly, and the trek to locate the perfect red velvet cake.
Given the work I do, I was chomping at the bit to see who would officiate her wedding! Late in the season, the answers were revealed. And I have to say I was pretty disappointed. The mention of an officiant (to my mind a pretty important part of the wedding) was left until the last minute. I think it eventually occurred somewhere between her shopping break for baby clothes and the bachelor/bachelorette getaway to Atlantic City’s Borgota Hotel. My mind whirled…could she selected one of the gifted women who trained with my program at the Celebrant Foundation? Perhaps it was a Clergy Person/Rabbi from her childhood. Nope. It was a woman, whose name I can’t even recall, who ushered Bethenny and her fiancé Jason Hoppy into a non-descript office. The officiant asked some perfunctory question and that was about it. At one point there was a cutaway to Bethenny’s moment of crying about the absence of an intact family of origin, but the entire appointment (at least how it was portrayed on the series) was essentially a drive-by meeting. Where was the discussion about vows, readings, rituals? Did the woman want to know about their personal story and romance? How might the couple choose to remember the groom’s brother who had passed at a young age? Or what of the new family they were creating?
All of this made me realize that our tribe of Celebrants, who specialize in creative, personalized stories and ceremonies have a long way to go in educating the public about the real possibilities of a creative wedding ceremony. Obviously given the high-profile nature of the wedding, she could have hired the “best of the best” in the officiating field. I’m sorry that no one made her aware of the wonderful choices she had in this regard.
Perhaps she will be more informed when she decides about someone to lead a Baby Welcoming/Blessing Ceremony now that her bundle of joy has arrived! (Bethenny, please visit my new website about these ceremonies!)
