Variety is the Spice of Life

The gift of a Celebrant led wedding is a personalized ceremony that reflects the uniqueness of the couple. I may be biased, but I think there is a natural selection process—men and women who seek out celebrants tend to be particularly fascinating people. We give our clients permission to go beyond the standardized “cookie cutter” ceremonies that are prevalent in popular culture. Rather, we encourage a dynamic, creative process and plenty of “thinking outside the box.” Such was the case with a beachside wedding in September for two scholars.

My couple had a colorful story and took great care in planning every aspect of the wedding, giving each detail—the processional, attendants, flowers, music, and apparel—
their own imprimatur. Two ceremonial selections were especially compelling, I thought. The bride, originally from a central European country, had a number of her family members attending—some of whom had limited comprehension of English. As such, the entire ceremony was spoken in English and her native tongue. I would speak one paragraph, followed by the translation by a family member. It was quite touching to see the responses of the bride’s family when the words were read in her mother language. Even without on-site translation, bi-lingual components can be added to a wedding with the help of tools like online translation services. This wedding addition serves to honor the ethnic origins of the participants, in an unforgettable fashion.

Likewise, my couple selected an uncommon food-related custom as part of the closing portion of the wedding. While Western weddings place great emphasis on food and drinks, it is normally reserved for lavish feasts during the reception. However, a number of religious, ethnic and cultural traditions incorporate food rituals into the wedding ceremony. Perhaps the most familiar is the sharing of wine in Jewish, French, and Greek weddings. In Chinese weddings, two goblets of honey and wine are tied together with a red ribbon and shared by the bride and groom. Greek weddings may end with honey and walnuts on a silver spoon, a sign of sweetness and fertility. Certain Middle Eastern cultures will offer sweet milk and dates during the wedding. The list goes on and on.

So, after great consideration, my couple selected a ritual, “partaking of spices,” that is tied to Africa. Four small spice bowls were filled with the elements of life: lemon juice for sorrow, vinegar for bitterness, cayenne pepper for passion, and honey for sweetness. The bride, having spent considerable time studying in Africa, was quite fond of this idea. And in typical fashion, the bride and groom customized the ingredients to most closely connect with “their story.” The vinegar was exchanged for a stout Slavic spirit and honey was replaced by one of their favorite sweet candies. This part of the program was choreographed and narrated by one of their attendants. This was a fantastic ending to a superb wedding.

It is a real pleasure working with such an outstanding couple who have rich life experiences that can inspire a memorable wedding ceremony. I am utterly certain that this bride and groom will bring the same flourish and innovation to all that they do, personally and professionally. Peace and All Good Things!

East Meets West: A Perfect Blend of Old and New in a Wedding Ceremony

Last month, I officiated the wedding of Ben and Jane. Ben is a dashing member of the financial community here in New York. From Britain, Ben reminds me a bit of James Bond (during the Pierce Brosnan years). Jane is a willowy beauty of Chinese ancestry. The two embody understated sophistication. Together we created a ceremony that brought together the best of both worlds, East and West, just like the bride and groom.

Their wedding was held in the W Hotel-Union Square in Manhattan. As one would expect in a W Hotel, it was a sleek, modern building with streamlined furnishings and a minimalist design. In speaking with John Benke, he explained that the building was erected in the early 1900s and was previously the Guardian Life Building, a landmark in the Beaux Arts tradition. The area in which the wedding was held, unlike the overall décor of the hotel, was highly ornate with extraordinary marble and stunning ceiling adornments and fixtures--a real hidden gem and a remembrance of the building’s original grandeur. The wedding decorations were relatively simple, letting the spectacular beauty of the room stand out.

Like the location, the wedding was a perfect combination of tradition and modernity. The couple used a classical string trio and a brief conventional ceremony. In honor of her Asian ancestry, Jane used her Chinese name during the exchange of vows. This gesture must have been touching for her family members.

One ceremonial element that the couple included was a signing of a ceremonial wedding document, following the vows and ring exchange. Document signings are a fixture in traditional Jewish weddings. The ketubah, a marital agreement, is signed by the bride and groom before the ceremony and is read out under the chuppah, the wedding canopy. According to my celebrant colleagues, the signing of a ceremonial marriage license during wedding is enjoying renewed popularity. This simple ritual is a striking visual reinforcement of the verbal vows taken moments before.

Perhaps the sweetest bridge to the East in this wedding was the private tea ceremony held by the families of the bride and groom, earlier in the day. In Asian cultures this is a most important feature of the union, where families meet to partake in a highly choreographed ritual embodying honor, dignity and family commitment. (Even Ben was required to speak some Mandarin during the ceremony, which caused him a good bit of anxiety!) In a time when the mantra of New York weddings is often “the bigger, the better,” it is heartwarming to know that for this special couple, it was the private ceremony that anchored the day.

My hat is off to these two promising individuals who superbly designed their wedding to reflect their histories and sensibilities.

Photographs courtesy of David Myles Photography.

Wedding Ceremonies in the Key of Life

I recently had the opportunity to marry a musically-inclined bride and groom. Jackie and Craig march to the beat of their own drummer, and their wedding beautifully reflected that fact. There was a subtle, sweet musical score that one could hear throughout the ceremony.

The couple met serendipitously at a concert in Ann Arbor, Michgan. They were at a local club to hear the “Dirtbombs” . After some flirtation and an exchange of email addresses, they met for a date a few weeks later. The rest, as they say, is history.

Jackie and Craig are not only music lovers, they are educators, too. A few years ago, they moved to New York to pursue teaching careers. Along the way, they formed a band "Rock ‘n’ Roll Monkey and the Robots,” made a home, and decided to marry. Clearly they were in perfect harmony.

This syncopated couple had a “Rockabilly” band at their reception. The lead electric guitarist played Mendelssohn’s Wedding March as the bride was escorted down the aisle. While the rendition seemed more in line with the annual South by Southwest Festival in Austin than suburban Long Island where the wedding was held, it was a perfect anthem for the couple.

As you can see from the photo, our off-beat bride let her creativity and personality shine through in all aspects of the wedding. Her sister, a design student in New York City, fashioned the retro-dress. Jackie bore a striking resemblance to the beloved Audrey Hepburn, don’t you think?

I am so happy when a couple like Craig and Jackie, who do so much for so many people, can orchestrate a wedding that perfectly suits their sensibilities. Bravo!!

Photo courtesy of Clint Spaulding.

The Art of a Beautiful Ceremony

New York is an absolute treasure trove of multi-talented people, doing interesting work. Last year, I was volunteering with “Arts to Grow,” a worthy nonprofit that places practicing artists in public elementary school classrooms (a much-needed response to reduced funding for arts education programs). As part of ATG’s benefit committee, I had the opportunity to get to know Katherine Gressel, a petite dynamo with art & arts administration degrees from Yale and Columbia. Like many of us, Katherine wears several hats—she works with ATG, while perfecting her own craft and being involved in numerous community-spirited activities. Through a posting on Facebook, I noticed one of Katherine’s fabulously interesting projects that spoke to my work as a wedding officiant. Katherine drew my attention to a “live art” project—a painting—that she had done during a wedding and reception at a lovely venue in upstate New York. The commissioned work was a beautiful representation of the day’s festivities; it must have been incredibly meaningful gift for the bride and groom.

Seeing Katherine’s piece was something of a “Eureka” moment for me about integrating art and a special moment in life. In pondering Katherine’s gift to the couple, I suddenly thought of dance performances painted by Degas or Leroy Neiman creating abstract art during an athletic competition. I was truly excited by this prospect of “marrying” art and a lovely wedding ceremony.

The notion of bringing an artist to a marriage celebration fits, I think, into an emerging trend. These days, couples are relying less on videography (or may choose to skip it all together) and more on still photographs. Many brides and grooms are not satisfied with the “standard” shots including family members, arranged in every possible combination and permutation. Rather, my couples want innovative, unusual, artistic photos of their big day. An extraordinary painting of the celebration seems a logical extension of this sentiment. While an artist could certainly create an interesting piece of art after the event, based on a special photograph, why not draw the artist into this glorious occasion?

After pondering this idea for a while, I learned that there are artists who specialize in this kind of project, working at weddings, large parties, charity events, and other celebrations. I recognize that this arrangement might be out of the budget of many couples today. But even cost-conscious brides and grooms might consider a younger, less-established artist. New York is certainly full of such individuals—but so is every community in America! And with the internet, the joining of eager artists and creative couples is only an email away.

Whether a couple chooses to add this extra ceremonial flourish to the wedding day or it is conceived of as a once-in-a-lifetime gift, I cannot think of a grander way to commemorate a couple’s “I Dos.”

The location of this wedding was Osborn Castle/Cat Rock in Garrison, NY. For more of Katherine's work see her website.

Katherine Gressel Live Painting from Nathaniel Armstrong on Vimeo.