Tying the Knot

Last month, I had the very great pleasure to marry Cynthia and Fran, a lovely couple in Connecticut. From our first email exchange, I could sense that this was a special couple—gentle spirits in a sometimes harsh world. In all of our wedding preparations they were kind, gracious, and lovely.

Cynthia and Fran represented a “dream couple” for any Celebrant. They were creative, innovative, fun and gracious. Both were reflective and considerate and provided fabulous material to help me create a special narrative of their romance and path to the altar. It took a number of years for this romance to blossom, but as I said in the ceremony, this couple embodied the expression, “Good Things Come to Those Who Wait!”

A special ceremonial flourish was courtesy of Fran, who is of Filipino ancestry. From the beginning of our work together, Fran and Cynthia clear that they wanted to pay special honor to his Motherland. After reviewing numerous ritual choices, they decided that they wanted to include a traditional “cording” ceremony as they took their wedding vows. Many ethnic and religious traditions provide colorful rituals to represent the unification of a man and a woman (not to mention two families and potentially two cultures) in the wedding proceedings. In this sweet ritual, the mothers of our bride and groom lovingly placed a decorative cord over the necks of the bride and groom. The ritual had several interpretations. The cord was symbolically placed in a figure eight configuration, representing the infinite nature of the new union—marriage is for all time. Moreover, the strength of the cord, as shown in the picture below, is a visual representation of the power of the marriage union. Just lovely!

The cording ceremony is part of a long list of unifying rituals ranging from “handfasting” to sand ceremonies. I relish the opportunity to draw in the customs of the bride and/or groom’s ethnic background(s) in fashioning a ceremony. The expressions of love and commitment are limitless and American couples are increasingly drawing upon the customs of their countries of origin, allowing an expansive cornucopia of beautiful ceremonies. So for this lovely experience, I thank my bride and groom, their extraordinary family members, the staff of the Stonecroft Inn and such and Ian Pawluck photographer capturing the moment.

Variety is the Spice of Life

The gift of a Celebrant led wedding is a personalized ceremony that reflects the uniqueness of the couple. I may be biased, but I think there is a natural selection process—men and women who seek out celebrants tend to be particularly fascinating people. We give our clients permission to go beyond the standardized “cookie cutter” ceremonies that are prevalent in popular culture. Rather, we encourage a dynamic, creative process and plenty of “thinking outside the box.” Such was the case with a beachside wedding in September for two scholars.

My couple had a colorful story and took great care in planning every aspect of the wedding, giving each detail—the processional, attendants, flowers, music, and apparel—
their own imprimatur. Two ceremonial selections were especially compelling, I thought. The bride, originally from a central European country, had a number of her family members attending—some of whom had limited comprehension of English. As such, the entire ceremony was spoken in English and her native tongue. I would speak one paragraph, followed by the translation by a family member. It was quite touching to see the responses of the bride’s family when the words were read in her mother language. Even without on-site translation, bi-lingual components can be added to a wedding with the help of tools like online translation services. This wedding addition serves to honor the ethnic origins of the participants, in an unforgettable fashion.

Likewise, my couple selected an uncommon food-related custom as part of the closing portion of the wedding. While Western weddings place great emphasis on food and drinks, it is normally reserved for lavish feasts during the reception. However, a number of religious, ethnic and cultural traditions incorporate food rituals into the wedding ceremony. Perhaps the most familiar is the sharing of wine in Jewish, French, and Greek weddings. In Chinese weddings, two goblets of honey and wine are tied together with a red ribbon and shared by the bride and groom. Greek weddings may end with honey and walnuts on a silver spoon, a sign of sweetness and fertility. Certain Middle Eastern cultures will offer sweet milk and dates during the wedding. The list goes on and on.

So, after great consideration, my couple selected a ritual, “partaking of spices,” that is tied to Africa. Four small spice bowls were filled with the elements of life: lemon juice for sorrow, vinegar for bitterness, cayenne pepper for passion, and honey for sweetness. The bride, having spent considerable time studying in Africa, was quite fond of this idea. And in typical fashion, the bride and groom customized the ingredients to most closely connect with “their story.” The vinegar was exchanged for a stout Slavic spirit and honey was replaced by one of their favorite sweet candies. This part of the program was choreographed and narrated by one of their attendants. This was a fantastic ending to a superb wedding.

It is a real pleasure working with such an outstanding couple who have rich life experiences that can inspire a memorable wedding ceremony. I am utterly certain that this bride and groom will bring the same flourish and innovation to all that they do, personally and professionally. Peace and All Good Things!