Happy New Year to All!

It has been an exciting year! I offer a heartfelt congratulations to all of my brides and grooms. I have had the honor of marrying over 100 couples in 2010. Most of my weddings have been in New York City, but I have officiated ceremonies in the entire Tri-state area--from Connecticut to New Jersey to Westchester. And I have seen what feels like every inch of New York's very "long" Long Island. As New York has become one of the most popular spots for Destination Weddings, I have been happy to serve brides and grooms from many American states (Ohio, California, Kentucky, Maryland, Minnesota, Texas, and Indiana, to name a few) as well as folks from England, Ireland, Northern Ireland, Australia, Germany, Denmark, Dubai, the Netherlands, and Scotland. I thank you all for sharing your special day with me and look forward to staying in touch.

The following slide show, prepared by my young colleague Noemie, includes photos of most of my couples. And, the couple at the beginning of this post is Rebekah and Matthew, a lovely bride and groom from Edmonton, Alberta. With the historic blizzard of the past week, they rearranged their simple flight to NYC, flying instead to Toronto and taking the "Maple Leaf" Amtrak down to the City. Their journey was over 30 hours in length. Meanwhile, their dedicated officiant (that would be me!), made her way from Budapest, Hungary to Prague, Czech Republic, to NYC's Upper East Side. We had a lovely, sweet romantic ceremony on the Gapstow Bridge in Central Park. Many tourists stopped by to watch and savor the romance, on a sparkling winter's day. So Congratulations, one and all. Peace and all good things in 2011!

Celebrate Your Wedding with Three Words

Every once in a while, I come across a "feel good" moment on TV.....times when I think that television, a much criticized part of American culture, is a really terrific tool that connects people. Several months ago, I stumbled upon a feature on the weekend edition of Good Morning America that I really loved. "Your Three Words" is an invitation to viewers to submit home videos (usually less than a minute in length) that use signs with three words, expressing anything they wish. Sometimes the clips are happy ones ("My First Snow" -- with a darling baby in a bunny outfit, situated in the snow) and other times they are profoundly emotional ("Mom finished Chemo" or "Dad came Home" [from the War]). Each week, it is a bouquet of messages from regular people.

I tried one of these video clips with a wonderful couple, following their wedding ceremony. Anne-Marie and Warren were lovable people from Belfast, Northern Ireland. I was so pleased to officiate their wedding in the Conservatory Garden in Central Park. They were joined in New York by a handful of their loved ones. Please enjoy "Their Three Words"! Congratulations to Anne-Marie and Warren!

The Wedding of YOUR dreams!

On Halloween, I was invited to officiate a “costume” wedding for a very nice local couple. The couple had met when they were very young. They went on separate journeys and reunited many years later. Pure romance. In a sweeping romantic gesture, the couple “eloped” and planned to surprise their friends and family members later in the day, with news of their marriage!

We met at the beautiful Wave Hill garden up in Riverdale, a section of the Bronx. The setting is truly stunning. This garden is set on the edge of the might Hudson River. It was peak autumn leaving season. The day was clear as a bell. The couple dressed in ghoulish wedding costumes from Tim Burton films. I, of course, was the Queen of Hearts. We tucked ourselves away in a small garden and had a private ceremony with the bride’s brother.

The wedding went smoothly, with some passers-by stopping to view the spectacle. All were generous with smiles and good wishes. One of the garden volunteers even agreed to be a witness. I must admit, that I was a bit nervous about the wedding plan. Wave Hill is a somewhat conservative location. Unlike Central Park where “everything goes,” Wave Hill doesn’t normally host off-beat events. But everything turned out perfectly.

What did I learn from this couple? Seize the Day! Have courage! Although we need to roll with the punches, assume things will turn out as we hope. And, finally…..pursue the wedding of your dreams and don’t worry about meeting the expectations of others.

Bethenny Getting Married...the Search for an Officiant

I blame this on my very good friend Denise, but I find myself watching “reality” TV shows, lately—more than I would care to admit. From time to time, I tuned in to “Bethenny Getting Married.” I rationalized by thinking it was relevant to my work as a Celebrant. For those who don’t know Bethenny Frankel, she was one of the “The Real Housewives of New York City,” part of the Bravo series. Bethenny is a very attractive 30-something woman of great accomplishment in the worlds of food and entertaining and is considered something of a staple on the New York Post’s “Page Six” gossip column. To those of us looking on, she is the consummate “personality” gifted in the art of business and self-promotion.

Perhaps 18 months ago, she met the man of her dreams. After a whirlwind romance (and subsequent pregnancy) she found herself planning her dream wedding. These developments must have made the Bravo television producers deliriously happy; for, it naturally meant a spin-off, “Bethenny Getting Married.” Over the course of a dozen or so “episodes,” the New York glamour girl planned a very high-end wedding, with her trademark wit and a dose of self-deprecating humor. Having been an event planner, she knew the ins-and-outs of a grand affair. She was accompanied in her planning process by a New York wedding planner of some note. The series chronicled—in great detail—her a campaign to secure the Four Seasons Restaurant for her venue, the search for a stunning dress that could accommodate her growing belly, and the trek to locate the perfect red velvet cake.

Given the work I do, I was chomping at the bit to see who would officiate her wedding! Late in the season, the answers were revealed. And I have to say I was pretty disappointed. The mention of an officiant (to my mind a pretty important part of the wedding) was left until the last minute. I think it eventually occurred somewhere between her shopping break for baby clothes and the bachelor/bachelorette getaway to Atlantic City’s Borgota Hotel. My mind whirled…could she selected one of the gifted women who trained with my program at the Celebrant Foundation? Perhaps it was a Clergy Person/Rabbi from her childhood. Nope. It was a woman, whose name I can’t even recall, who ushered Bethenny and her fiancé Jason Hoppy into a non-descript office. The officiant asked some perfunctory question and that was about it. At one point there was a cutaway to Bethenny’s moment of crying about the absence of an intact family of origin, but the entire appointment (at least how it was portrayed on the series) was essentially a drive-by meeting. Where was the discussion about vows, readings, rituals? Did the woman want to know about their personal story and romance? How might the couple choose to remember the groom’s brother who had passed at a young age? Or what of the new family they were creating?

All of this made me realize that our tribe of Celebrants, who specialize in creative, personalized stories and ceremonies have a long way to go in educating the public about the real possibilities of a creative wedding ceremony. Obviously given the high-profile nature of the wedding, she could have hired the “best of the best” in the officiating field. I’m sorry that no one made her aware of the wonderful choices she had in this regard.

Perhaps she will be more informed when she decides about someone to lead a Baby Welcoming/Blessing Ceremony now that her bundle of joy has arrived! (Bethenny, please visit my new website about these ceremonies!)

Where to Marry?

Couples coming to New York to marry face an embarrassment of riches in choosing a spot for their nuptials. Even those who know they want to marry in Central Park must choose from dozens of popular spots for the wedding from the Cop Cot Gazebo and Gapstow bridge on the southern end of the park to the Ladies’ Pavilion, Shakespeare Garden, Bethesda Foundation,and Belvedere Castle to the west to the Conservatory Garden on the north end. Each, of course, has its own unique characteristics, histories, and charms.

Of course, in a city of 7 million, there are other iconic spots for a ceremony including the Brooklyn Bridge, Times Square, Rockefeller Center Promenade, Battery Park, and the Staten Island Ferry!

To assist my couples travelling from another American state or abroad, I have created a fun blog to provide a bit of history and “insider’s information” about their potential as a small wedding venue. I have added slide shows that include photos of some of my couples who have married in the park. I am eager to provide clear, concise, and visually appealing information, in one easy location. Please visit it—and often, as I am continually updating it with innovative “NYC Wedding Spots.”

The photo above was generously provided by the 3 West Club in midtown Manhattan!

Religious Rituals for a Non-Religious Bride & Groom

As a Celebrant, I work with couples who hold many viewpoints on religion and spirituality. In explaining my work with new clients, I mention that to my way of thinking, Celebrants provide (to use a “political” term heard a few years ago) a “third way” in developing important life ceremonies and rites of passages. We work with people who may not be able to (or may not wish to) hold these important events in houses or worship, but they prefer to have a celebration that is not satisfied by a purely administrative ceremony, such as a justice of the peace. We represent everyone else--which, these days, is a vast proportion of the population. My couples come in all philosophical shapes and sizes...those who are of an interfaith perspective, some identify as “spiritual but not religious” or secular humanists, and many are nominally connected to the faith of their families of origin but do not practice.

Many couples will come to me with an awkwardness about how to “handle” religious traditions and faith matters in a respectful way, to honor their parents, all the while realizing that at least at this point in their lives they do not practice. I firmly believe that as Celebrants we are uniquely qualified to guide these delicate matters with sensitivity. I attempt to reassure couples that there are elegant options that we can show respect and honor to the faith tradition(s) of their families while not calling upon the Bride and Groom to feel inauthentic about the words and rituals of the ceremony.

First, there are often ways to couch rituals in terms of cultural connections as opposed to highly religious language. This is particularly effective with respect to Jewish customs like standing below a chuppah during the ceremony or the breaking at the glass at the end of the service. Many American Jews hold closely to the cultural and historical connections of their Judaism, with being observant (or perhaps nominally observant on High Holidays). As such, the descriptions of these rituals can reflect this orientation. Likewise, there are ways to draw parallels between certain religious ceremonies within a wedding and a more secularized approach to the concept. For example, a Jewish couple will include the signing of a Ketubah, the Jewish marriage contract, as part of a religious service, but a ceremonial signing of the marriage license can certainly resemble this kind of ritual. The familiar Christian unity candle can be referenced by leaning on the universal symbolism of light as a sign of goodness—and Godliness. I have been delighted how a number of my clever couples have used their wedding programs, which are often a rudimentary listing of the bridal party and order of the ceremony, to provide creative explanations of rituals or objects we are including in the wedding. I think this is particularly helpful for those who may be unfamiliar with a faith tradition.

Another beautiful way to negotiate this potentially ticklish situation is to involve an honored guest who is practicing the faith to lead that portion of the ceremony. It will most certainly provide a great deal of satisfaction on their part, without the bride or groom feeling as if they are overly stating their current commitments. In a recent ceremony joining a non-practicing Jewish groom and his non-practicing Protestant bride, the groom asked his beloved Grandfather, who observed, to read the traditional 7 Jewish blessings at the end of the ceremony. The Grandfather (who is now among my all-time favorite wedding guests) read the tradition blessings in Hebrew, followed by a modernized version blessings in English. What could be more inclusive than this?

At the end of the day, the goal of any wedding is to underscore the values and ideals that are shared between the couple and among the guests—but there are so many ways to do that with creativity, style, respect, and flourish, honoring the past and recognizing that the couple, as a new family, will have ideas and customs all their own.

It's a Date

One of the questions I ask couples, as we are preparing their ceremony script, is if there is any significance to the date of the wedding. In the modern world, the wedding dates are often driven by the availability of popular venues, work commitments or the schedules of far-flung friends and relatives, but there are sometimes sweet, sentimental reasons why couples select particular wedding dates. Holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Christmas Eve, or New Year’s Eve are popular times to marry. Likewise, special “number” days including 09-09-09 or 10-10-10 are highly prized because of their perceived association with good luck. But the mention of personal connections to a wedding date adds another subtle, customized moment in the wedding ceremony. For instance, I married an American bride and her Irish husband on St. Patrick’s day, which was not only a great day of American-Irish pride, but the birth date of the groom’s beloved grandfather. A couple that I will marry this weekend pay special attention to the date (June 12) that they first met. This is the date that the groom made a proposal of marriage and the date of their wedding at the Belvedere Castle in Central Park. I am marrying a Turkish couple who have situated their wedding day immediately after the bride’s birthday and the wedding anniversary of the groom’s parents. I mention this in the ceremony and make note that for this couple, the wedding celebration will last for days, given its proximity to these other special family holidays. The extended wedding celebration is a familiar tradition for Turkish couples! So remember, if there is something memorable about the date of your wedding, don’t forget to mention that to your wedding officiant.

A Very Special Thanks to my Scottish Couples

A fundamental principle of the Celebrant movement is that a well-lived life marks and honors important events, rites of passage, and transitions—those filled with joy, as well as those marked by sorrow. Celebrant-led ceremonies are not merely “events” noting some significant life milestone, but they provide context, resonance, remembrance, understanding, and healing for those involved. I believe that I was drawn to this work, in part, because of the absence of these purposeful rituals in my youth. I knew that as a Celebrant, I would provide an authentic and meaningful service to people with whom I worked. But I did not imagine that my clients would reciprocate in exactly the same way. I could not have known that this work would catapult me to return to the beginning of my own life’s story in a desire to learn more about my life.

My family of origin was a disjointed one, and the circumstances of my upbringing were filled with considerable difficulties and loss—this is not to say that there weren’t heroes around me. I learned many important lessons from my particular situation, and I am unmistakably thankful for those who raised me. My immediate family was small and there was not much detailed discussion of “where we came from.” I had certain awareness that “my people” (on my mother’s side, at least) were German and Danish, but knew little about the details of their travel to America. Intellectually, I realize that we all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us, but that notion had not truly seeped into my marrow. It was only recently that I really grasped that my own surname, the name of my father, is Scottish. This latent appreciation of my own paternal heritage has been remarkably ignited by my Celebrancy practice.

Over the last year, I have worked with a number of brides and grooms from Scotland, most recently Chris and Debbie from Glasgow. Debbie and Chris, along with about three dozen family members and friends (and a bonus Canadian who is the beloved of the groom’s brother), ventured to New York for a sweet Central Park wedding ceremony over the Memorial Day holiday. Chris and Debbie joined my other wonderful Scots—Anne and Gordon, married several months ago, and Gail and her honorary Scottish husband Jason, who wed last summer. These experiences have awakened in me an interest in understanding my own place among the Scots. The sensory delights offered by these weddings have been innumerable—the distinctive Scottish brogue which occasionally confounds me…..the stories and visual appeal of the family tartans….the unmistakable sound of a bagpipe playing those recognizable tunes of the highland…..all struck a chord in my own heart. The Scots that I have been privileged to work with have been warm, kind folks. As I stood in the midst of this extended family on Friday, I could literally see myself in them. I shared their physical characteristics—eye and hair color, complexion, and stature. I really looked (and felt) like I belonged.

It is interesting that this emotional prompting dovetails with the Memorial Day holiday, which at its core is a weighty remembrance of those who have served our country. A few weeks ago, I was searching through old family photographs, to be used in a new website, and I came across a nearly century-old letter that my paternal grandfather (Mr. Ritchie), a low ranking soldier in World War I, sent to the young woman he was courting, who became his wife and is my late grandmother. I spent very little time with these people and did not know them well, but my heart was filled with pride, gratitude, and wonder as I read this letter, which must have been early in their courtship. The penmanship was perfect and words were carefully chosen. My soldier grandfather—a young man of little means and education—wrote simple, but commanding, words about the justice and purpose of this war, The War to End all Wars, as they deemed it. We know, of course, that this fight for Democracy was not the final war. Moreover, the idealistic youth of this soldier was, in the end, filled with generous portions of sadness, including the loss of his second son, who died as a pilot in the Vietnam War.

The combination of my looking into the faces of old photographs, reading the words of my long-dead Scottish grandfather, the national celebration of Memorial Day, and the magical elixir my new Scottish friends sprinkled on my heart have created an irresistible desire to ask simple questions: Where are my people from? And what happened to the young family of that Vietnam soldier, Herman Ritchie, who was lost in service to our country when I was still an infant. During this long holiday weekend, I find myself prowling the internet to begin searching for information. I hope that years from now I will have a journal full of names and dates and places, and perhaps new friends. I am looking for my clan. I would not have imagined that this would be one of the gifts of being a Celebrant. I will report back to you, gentle readers, about my progress on the voyage.

Dressed to the Nines

Weddings are a great opportunity to reflect one’s personal style in dress. While many brides and grooms choose traditional western apparel, many do not. For some time, brides and grooms have selected innovative designs and colors for the “second time around.” Likewise, some locations—the beach, for instance—serve as a perfect backdrop for casual wedding garments. But wedding fashions are limited only by a couple’s imagination. Several of my brides have designed and created their own wedding gowns. And for themed weddings (Halloween celebrations, Medieval-inspired weddings, or other affairs), costumes for the couple, guests, and even the officiant are standard fare. Likewise, contemporary weddings, especially in a place like New York, offer couples the rare chance to proudly display garments of their heritage. Scottish grooms, for instance, wear kilts with their clan's particular tartan and adornments. Chinese-American brides may wear a traditional western-styled white dress for the ceremony, changing into a traditional red dress for the reception. Indian bride's highly adorned attire includes gold and silver embroidery, on deep jewel-toned fabric. Sometimes couples choose more subtle additions such as the Swedish bride's jeweled crown. So let your wedding be a blank palate to let your own fashion sense come shining through. The photo above is from a recent Central Park wedding of a stylish British Couple. The groom was in a dapper retro suit (complete with a pocket watch!) and the bride sported a innovative plaid dress, of brightly colored jewel tones, a flattering peplum addition and teal strappy sandals to match.

A Pocket full of Posies

In a delightful retro-inspired book I Do! I Do!, Susan Waggoner delightfully provides descriptions of the historical evolution of the traditions of classic Western weddings. Waggoner explains that during the nineteenth century, flowers replaced grasses and herbs carried by brides in the Elizabethan era. The Victorians, who loved plants of all types, used ferns and violets and even indoor trees to decorate the wedding space. They also developed the sprays of flowers that flank the brides and grooms, even today. In contemporary American ceremonies, flowers are used throughout the wedding and reception locations—from rose petals thrown on the aisle as the bride approaches her groom to lavish centerpieces at the reception.

An often overlooked part of this decorative element of the wedding is the wonderful meanings attached to some of our favorite nuptial flowers. These symbolic connections can be gently woven through a bit of the ceremony language, providing another opportunity to subtly personalize the wedding day. Consider some of the “meanings” of just a few popular flowers: daffodil….devotion; lavender….luck; dark pink rose….gratitude; bluebell…..gratitude; orchid….rare beauty; lily….majesty; violet….simplicity; light pink rose….grace; iris….warmth of affection.

Some brides choose favorite flowers or those connected to their birth month.
Likewise, many cultures prize certain flowers during wedding celebrations. For example, the Japanese carry white and purple orchids, jasmine, lotus blossoms, and cherry blossoms. Greek brides carry ivy as a sign of eternal love. Czech brides use rosemary, symbolizing fertility and loyalty, in their bouquets. So as your officiant prepares your wedding ceremony, don’t forget to reflect on your flowers as a symbol of your love.

Love: The Best Show in Town

About a month ago, I was asked to officiate a wedding in Northern New Jersey, for an energetic young couple. They lost their officiant about 10 days before the wedding—so I was something of a last minute replacement. As a Celebrant, not just a wedding officiant, I try to personalize ceremonies even when I have little time to prepare for the ceremony. The couple was overwhelmed with wedding preparation and other demands, so they had little time to provide information that I might use in the ceremony script. One nugget of information that I unearthed was that they met while rehearsing for the age old classic show “The Music Man.” As I so often do, I turned to friends and colleagues to help me brainstorm about my work. My colleague Jayne, a sometimes actor and Broadway enthusiast, suggested that I look at the lyrics of the famous Music Man song, “Till there was You.” Presto! The lyrics, while dripping with sentimentality, were a great way to wrap up their ceremony…..exactly where the relationship started, at this great American show. You just never know where you’ll find a gem for a wedding ceremony!

Till there was You:

There were bells on a hill
But I never heard them ringing
No, I never heard them at all
Till there was you

There were birds in the sky
But I never saw them winging
No, I never saw them at all
Till there was you

Then there was music and wonderful roses
they tell me in sweet fragrant meadows
of dawn and dew

There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you

Then there was music and wonderful roses
they tell me in sweet fragrant meadows
of dawn and dew

There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all
Till there was you
Till there was you

Dancing into Romance & Love

As a Celebrant I strive to recognize the most important parts of the lives of brides and grooms into their personalized ceremonies. The narrative—an essay chronicling the relationship of the couple—is one of the hallmarks of a celebrant wedding, and it provides a wonderful opportunity to weave the threads of life into a wonderful, one-of-a-kind, compelling rendering of two people falling in love. When getting to know a couple, it is a delicious discovery of who they are that helps develop that perfect wedding.

I recently married a couple that offered some rich choices in writing. Maria and Paul came to me a few weeks ago, wanting to marry on St. Patrick’s day in Central Park, a favorite venue of last-minute unions. Paul, a dashing native of Belfast Northern Ireland, wanted to get married on this day, not only for its cultural significance, but because it was his beloved late grandfather’s birth date. The festivities of this important NYC holiday provided a unique backdrop for a celebration.

Maria, too, came with a fabulously interesting life story. A native Texan, she came to New York as a teenager, to train as a ballet dancer at the School of American Ballet, associated with the New York City Ballet. An international career in dance and a stint at the Dance Theatre of Harlem, were evident in her statuesque figure, grace, and elegance. Maria’s passion gave me an ideal chance to incorporate a favorite wedding passage by Anne Marrow Lindbergh. The reading compares the choreography of a happy marriage with the ease of dance:

“A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate, but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of the Mozart’s. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding.”

Congratulations to my splendid international couple! In the words of a recent pop tune, “I hope You’ll Dance……,” for the remainder of your days!

p.s. One of those quintessential NYC wedding moments took place when Paul, the groom, convinced a gifted “street musician” (a classical cellist) to re-locate from the Bethesda Fountain to the Bethesda Terrace, where we hosted the ceremony, and provide the wedding music (for a small donation, of course!). The celebration was enjoyed by all!

A Little Bit of Mexico in Central Park

As a Celebrant—not simply a wedding officiant—I strive to personalize each of “my” wedding ceremonies, regardless of time constraints or other challenges. With a short turnaround time and other logistical issues, it isn’t always easy to create the unique, detailed ceremonies that move the bride and groom and their guests. But, “I do the best I can….” A couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by an anxious young groom, looking to marry his beautiful Mexican bride in short order. Although they planned a large, religious ceremony in Central America in a few months, for legal issues they needed to conduct a civil ceremony here in New York. As has been the case, lately, he requested a wedding ceremony in the “Ladies’ Pavilion” in Central Park.

The bride and groom were joined by about a dozen loved ones, including members of the bride’s family from Mexico. I gleaned as much of the couple’s story as possible and incorporated those details into the ceremony script. Also, the vows were exchanged bilingually. But, I wanted to do “more” to shine a lot on the significance of the Bride’s home and culture. The couple, after all, had met in Mexico. With only a short time before the gathering, I did some quick research and added a couple of light-hearted elements that—while not exactly a perfect replication of the Mexican traditions—provided a cultural nod to the bride’s family and a few special moments at the wedding.

For instance, in a Mexican wedding, it is customary for the groom to give his bride a wedding present of 13 gold coins, which are blessed by the Priest. The gesture represents the idea of shared prosperity and the groom’s commitment to care for his new wife. Instead, I connected with this tradition by bringing 13 coins in a small fabric bag and presenting it to the bride and groom, as a remembrance of our time together. Among the coins, which I had collected from my own international travels, were ones from various Central American countries. The bride and groom smiled brightly as I passed the memento.

Also, I learned that immediately following a Mexican wedding, the guests surround the bride and groom (standing side-by-side, forming the shape of a heart) as they take their first dance. For our bride and groom, the guests surrounded the couple in a semi-circle and took a vow of community support during the final portion of the ceremony. This vow reminds the couple that these people will support and nurture them through their marriage, the joys, as well as the trials.

I wish my couple well and hope that these little ceremony gestures provided some small, fun—but respective—connections to the bride’s home.

The Return of Spring

As a Life-Cycle Celebrant, my role is not only to acknowledge life’s celebrations and rites of passage, but to provide ceremonies of healing. Weddings, civil unions, and commitment ceremonies provide countless opportunities for underscoring the joy of shared lives and the promises of the future. Even vow renewals are happy occasions marking a milestone anniversary. Today, I performed a vow renewal that was a bit of both—a ritual built around healing and celebration.

A few days ago, I was contacted be a fellow from upstate New York. He asked simply if I would perform a vow renewal for him and his wife. I was happy to help and began preparations for a ceremony at dusk, in Central Park. Because we played phone and email “tag,” I wasn’t entirely clear about the ceremony—was this for a wedding anniversary? Some other important day? It was only after we spoke a bit about the specifics of the renewal did he reveal that the couple had been married about four years ago. For most of the third year of their marriage, they were separated. They had recently reunited and were attempting to repair their damaged relationship. So, here we stood in the crisp, snowy park—just the three of us—saying powerful words about renewal, forgiveness, and starting a new chapter in life. In their faces, I felt I could see pain, forgiveness, hope, and fear. My hope as a Celebrant is that this short moment in time provided a bit of healing, encouragement, and a fond memory. Seeing relationships and marriages in peril makes me want to renew my personal vows every day. As I left the Park, I thought about the crocus flowers that are just beneath the blanket of snow…something to look forward to, indeed.

Old-Fashioned Love Meets New-Fangled Technology: Is the Internet Cupid’s Most Potent Arrow?

Advances in technology and the development of the internet have impacted every aspect of life—including how we meet potential romantic partners, the courtship process, and even the exchange of marriage vows. As a celebrant, one of the first questions I pose to couples is the favorite, “So, how did you meet?” For couples of all ages and backgrounds, many report that they met online. This confession is inevitably followed by a nervous giggle and sheepish grin. The fact of the matter is, according to scholars and researchers who study such things—online dating is a very conventional approach in meeting people, these days.

Take my recent couple, Maria and Ulrich. These two lived half a world apart—she is from the American Southwest, while Ulrich lives in Copenhagen, Denmark. Not only did they meet online, but much of their courtship took place via email and Skype. The Groom is so “wedded” to technology that he actually pulled out his BlackBerry during the ceremony, from which he read his personalized wedding vows. (I’ve subsequently learned that YouTube is filled with videos of wedding couples whipping out PDAs to update their Facebook status, once vows were taken and rings were exchanged!)

While I’m not sure how I feel about Facebook postings during a ceremony, I must admit that a recent brush with matrimonial technology warmed my heart. About two weeks ago, I performed a last minute, intimate ceremony for a beautiful young couple in Harlem. The groom’s much beloved mother lives in Nassau, in the Bahamas. With such a last minute affair, she was unable to join us for the ceremony. So the techno-savvy groom fired up the webcam, and Mom was “present” for the entire ceremony.

Some people believe that technology has done much to hamper inter-personal relationships, but these recent examples of Cupid’s acquisition of technology have convinced me otherwise.

What's Special about a Celebrant-Led Wedding?

A wedding ceremony is a special event—in all ways. The process of “getting married” is a legal action, entering into a lifelong contract with another, recognized by societal institutions of all sorts. Yet, the wedding ceremony is also a celebration! For some it is a religious ceremony, for others a spiritual or secular observation, marking one of life’s major milestones and rites of passage. Many couples desire a clergy-led ceremony connected to a church, synagogue or mosque. Other brides and grooms seek a legal union courtesy of a Justice of the Peace, judge or other legal officiant. However, many couples desire another option….a third way. As a celebrant community, we believe that we fill this important gap in wedding options for American couples. We are legally credentialed to marry couples, but we are trained as ceremony professionals who will reflect the philosophies and traditions of brides and grooms.

This time of year finds many couples “interviewing” prospective wedding officiants, I thought it would be a terrific time to remind happy brides and grooms how a celebrant can bring a wonderful perspective to the day’s events. I am pleased to reproduce informative materials produced by the Celebrant Foundation & Institute, the organization that trains and credentials celebrants in the U.S. and abroad:

How is a Celebrant Wedding Unique?

Your wedding ceremony should be personal, reflecting who you are as individuals and as a couple. A wedding celebrant certified by the Celebrant Foundation & Institute will take the time to understand your beliefs, your values, and what makes your bond unique.

In a Celebrant ceremony, you are empowered. Nothing is imposed on you. Instead, in a collaborative process, the Celebrant will guide you in choosing rituals, readings, symbols, and music to fulfill your ideals and vision for your wedding. No two Celebrant ceremonies are the same.

Celebrants are ceremony specialists who have a solid background in the history of ritual, ceremony and the tradition of many cultures, beliefs, and religions. They are experts at managing rehearsals and performing weddings. They are experienced in the art of ceremonial public speaking.

Your Celebrant will:

* Meet with you at a no-obligation interview to discuss your vision of the ceremony
* Listen to you to learn your personal story
* Consult with you until the ceremony is just right
* Rehearse with you at your venue
* Provide you with a beautiful keepsake copy of your ceremony

Who Should Choose a Celebrant?

Anyone and everyone! Whether you are secular, religious, spiritual, nondenominational, part of an interfaith or multicultural couple, or if you simply wish to express yourself in a manner of your own choosing, a Celebrant can help you create a ceremony that respects all that is meaningful to you.

The Celebrant Foundation & Institute is a non-profit educational institution dedicated to helping individuals, couples, families and communities mark life’s milestones through personalized ceremonies. Celebrants have performed over million ceremonies worldwide. Celebrants officiate at virtually every life event, including weddings and commitments, baby namings and adoptions, funerals and memorials. With a focus on personalizing each ceremony related to the needs, beliefs, and values of the couple or family. Celebrants are trained in the art of ceremony.

A Special Day for Children, too

In numerous blog postings, I have commented on the ever-changing nature of American families and the weddings they choose to create. The new American family may likely be a blended one, with children from prior marriages. And, just like in Hollywood, lots of couples have their own children before exchanging wedding vows, these days. Whatever the circumstances, brides and grooms are seeking special ways to involve children in their wedding ceremonies. After all, the celebration is not exclusively about the uniting of the couple, but about the creation of this new family, too.

Over the last months, I have married men and women who have children ranging from two to 22. One of the simplest ways to acknowledge kids at the wedding is through the telling of the couple’s love story. As a celebrant, one of the ceremony anchors that I rely upon is a well-crafted, personalized narrative of the bride and groom’s romance—the heart of the wedding ceremony. Detailing the couple’s history provides a beautiful occasion to mention the children, underscoring the love and commitment offered by the birth parent and the new parental figure. This is a clear way for parents to honor children, without making kids (or parents) anxious about directly participating in the wedding. Some parents choose to make special vows of support to their children during the wedding, perhaps presenting youngsters with a present or token, such as a medallion or piece of jewelry.

For children who aren’t bashful about joining in the celebration, they can be terrific additions to the bridal party. Eager youngster may be adorable flower girls, ring-bearers, or ushers. A helpful website “I Do, Take Two,” outlines fun ideas for kids, ranging from decorating the bride and groom’s car for departure to making the wedding programs. During a sweet November wedding that I officiated, the bride’s seven year old son gently held the rings, while the couple’s two year old daughter squealed with delight, literally running circles around the bridal party—a much loved Whirling Dervish! By contrast, in December, one of “my” brides chose to have the groom’s two teen-aged sons walk her down the aisle for the processional. The options are limitless.

Other couples choose to have children actively participate in a unifying ritual, a potent symbolic gesture. In a wedding that I officiated last week, the bride had two teen-aged daughters, who were invited to partake in the unity candle ceremony. The daughters brought forward a burning candle to their mother. (The groom’s parents did the same for him.) The bride and groom, having received light from their families, then joined the flame together, as a demonstration of their new family—and one strong flame. The increasingly popular sand ceremony functions in much the same way, with individuals holding containers of different colored sand. Each person pours his container of sand into a larger vase, representing the new blended family. As the sands integrate to form a unique pattern, this work of art reminds everyone of the new family being joined together.

The possibilities for incorporating kids into a special day are vast, limited only by the imagination of the couple (and their celebrant!). With an eye towards flexibility and a readiness for the unexpected, brides and grooms can bask in the participation of their children in the special day.

Photo provided by David Myles Photography.

Every Couple has a Love Story

This year, I am fortunate to be on faculty at the Celebrant Foundation & Institute, the wonderful organization which trains individuals, in America and elsewhere, to perform weddings and other celebrations. This week’s class module was about the vital role of storytelling in the lives of individuals and communities. As I prepared for class, I was struck by the fact that there is a noticeable disconnect between our natural tendency to tell personal stories and the inclusion of these narratives in typical wedding ceremonies.

I believe that most people have a great desire to have their voices “heard.” The goal, I imagine, is enhanced self-awareness and a greater connection with loved ones. These seemingly ethereal goals can be met in simple ways such as updates on Facebook, Twitter, or postings in the blogosphere. Sharing about wedding plans is no different, as many brides and grooms create websites and blogs to chronicle impending nuptials, facilitating virtual conversations with family and friends and heightening anticipation for the special day.

The wonderful writer Christina Baldwin adds that storytelling not only serves the individual but it functions as a connector to a broader community and shared history. Like that need to be heard, men and women hold a similar drive to know “where they come from.” The enthusiastic pursuit of genealogical projects and the popularity of newly-developed personal DNA tests, literally mapping our history, are but two tools that people use to link with original homelands and past generations.

My underlying question in this rambling essay is this…..In standard wedding ceremonies, where do we find this passion for storytelling? I would argue that, to a large degree, it is simply not there! What a shame that the couple’s story is not highlighted during this profound rite of passage.

Celebrants know that offering such a narrative is the heart and soul of a day’s events. Our unique essays are written around simple, but wonderful, questions like “How did you meet?”……. “Tell me about your first date”…… “How does your partner show that he/she loves you?”………. “When did you know this partnership was forever?”……. “What are your dreams for the future?” The couple’s journey is reflected with all of the gravity and levity that it deserves, while recognizing their personalities and sensibilities. The narrative also offers the occasion to honor family members and ethnic ties. The storytelling, in my experience, establishes an obvious intimacy between and among the couple and guests, whether the guest list is 20 or 200. So, as you think about your wedding, I invite you to ponder the unique gifts of a ceremony that tells your story. Celebrants know that it makes all the difference on your wedding day.

Photograph generously provided by John Mazlish.

A Winter Princess Marries her Prince Charming

One of the great things about a Celebrant-led wedding is that the ceremony can be breathtaking and spectacular in unexpected ways. Lately, it seems, there is an emerging interest in so-called theme weddings. The possibilities for these gatherings are only limited by the imagination. Whether a costume ball for a Halloween wedding or an outdoor ceremony reflecting the bride and groom’s fascination with Medieval history, theme weddings can be a breath of fresh air for the couple, guests, and even the officiant.

I was fortunate enough to participate in a themed-type event on Christmas Eve. For those who haven’t been to New York City during the holidays, it is hard to convey just how magical it is. Even during the challenging days of the recession, the retailers, city officials and others, bring out the finest holiday decorations, as they have for so many years. Fifth Avenue, a world class shopping area, has absolutely spectacular decorations from the window displays at Saks Fifth Avenue to the Cartier Jewelry Store, festively wrapped as a package. For blocks and blocks, one will see lights and adornments that, as far as I know, are simply unmatched in other grand cities around the world. Walking north on Fifth Avenue, one will eventually bump into Central Park—always lovely—is especially stunning when blanketed in snow. The crown jewel of the holiday decorations is most certainly Rockefeller Plaza, perfectly placed in midtown Manhattan. With the enormous Christmas tree, skating rink, life-sized nutcrackers, and 50+ waving flags in red, green and gold, the Plaza will turn even the most hardened holiday scrooge into a jolly soul.

On Christmas Eve, Karina and Nick, a lovely young couple from Ohio, harnassed the holiday exuberance at Rockefeller Plaza into a late afternoon wedding ceremony. It was a real delight. Karina, a naturally pretty woman, looked like a winter princess. She wore a beautifully designed strapless white wedding dress with all of the beading and sparkles of a new bride. On her head sat a crystal tiara that would do the Swarovski Company proud. Draped around her shoulders was a custom-made hooded holiday cape—cherry red with white fur trimming. Her bouquet, made in England, included a bundle of winter berries. Even the groom sported a blazing red shirt under his black suit. I was in the spirit with my own red dress.

While the couple planned a private ceremony at the Plaza promenade, with the tree prominently in the background, I knew it would be anything but “private.” Passers-by love to see weddings—always, anytime, and anywhere. And for tourists lucky enough to be in New York for the holiday, a romantic wedding in front of the world’s most famous Christmas Tree is a feast for the eyes and the heart. Those in the area gathered around to be a part of “our” wedding. I could literally see the twinkle in a number of eyes. No doubt these were people renewing their own wedding vows, privately in their hearts. At the end of our sweet ceremony, a tourist and police officer served as our witnesses. The bride and groom were swept away to take photographs at landmarks including St. Patrick’s Cathedral. They completed their evening with a carriage ride around Central Park and dinner at the famed Tavern on the Green. Our couple has returned to family and friends in Ohio, but I know they will cherish their fairy tale wedding for the rest of their lives.

Photograph courtesy of Laura Pennace Photography.