A Pocket full of Posies

In a delightful retro-inspired book I Do! I Do!, Susan Waggoner delightfully provides descriptions of the historical evolution of the traditions of classic Western weddings. Waggoner explains that during the nineteenth century, flowers replaced grasses and herbs carried by brides in the Elizabethan era. The Victorians, who loved plants of all types, used ferns and violets and even indoor trees to decorate the wedding space. They also developed the sprays of flowers that flank the brides and grooms, even today. In contemporary American ceremonies, flowers are used throughout the wedding and reception locations—from rose petals thrown on the aisle as the bride approaches her groom to lavish centerpieces at the reception.

An often overlooked part of this decorative element of the wedding is the wonderful meanings attached to some of our favorite nuptial flowers. These symbolic connections can be gently woven through a bit of the ceremony language, providing another opportunity to subtly personalize the wedding day. Consider some of the “meanings” of just a few popular flowers: daffodil….devotion; lavender….luck; dark pink rose….gratitude; bluebell…..gratitude; orchid….rare beauty; lily….majesty; violet….simplicity; light pink rose….grace; iris….warmth of affection.

Some brides choose favorite flowers or those connected to their birth month.
Likewise, many cultures prize certain flowers during wedding celebrations. For example, the Japanese carry white and purple orchids, jasmine, lotus blossoms, and cherry blossoms. Greek brides carry ivy as a sign of eternal love. Czech brides use rosemary, symbolizing fertility and loyalty, in their bouquets. So as your officiant prepares your wedding ceremony, don’t forget to reflect on your flowers as a symbol of your love.

Love: The Best Show in Town

About a month ago, I was asked to officiate a wedding in Northern New Jersey, for an energetic young couple. They lost their officiant about 10 days before the wedding—so I was something of a last minute replacement. As a Celebrant, not just a wedding officiant, I try to personalize ceremonies even when I have little time to prepare for the ceremony. The couple was overwhelmed with wedding preparation and other demands, so they had little time to provide information that I might use in the ceremony script. One nugget of information that I unearthed was that they met while rehearsing for the age old classic show “The Music Man.” As I so often do, I turned to friends and colleagues to help me brainstorm about my work. My colleague Jayne, a sometimes actor and Broadway enthusiast, suggested that I look at the lyrics of the famous Music Man song, “Till there was You.” Presto! The lyrics, while dripping with sentimentality, were a great way to wrap up their ceremony…..exactly where the relationship started, at this great American show. You just never know where you’ll find a gem for a wedding ceremony!

Till there was You:

There were bells on a hill
But I never heard them ringing
No, I never heard them at all
Till there was you

There were birds in the sky
But I never saw them winging
No, I never saw them at all
Till there was you

Then there was music and wonderful roses
they tell me in sweet fragrant meadows
of dawn and dew

There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you

Then there was music and wonderful roses
they tell me in sweet fragrant meadows
of dawn and dew

There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all
Till there was you
Till there was you

Dancing into Romance & Love

As a Celebrant I strive to recognize the most important parts of the lives of brides and grooms into their personalized ceremonies. The narrative—an essay chronicling the relationship of the couple—is one of the hallmarks of a celebrant wedding, and it provides a wonderful opportunity to weave the threads of life into a wonderful, one-of-a-kind, compelling rendering of two people falling in love. When getting to know a couple, it is a delicious discovery of who they are that helps develop that perfect wedding.

I recently married a couple that offered some rich choices in writing. Maria and Paul came to me a few weeks ago, wanting to marry on St. Patrick’s day in Central Park, a favorite venue of last-minute unions. Paul, a dashing native of Belfast Northern Ireland, wanted to get married on this day, not only for its cultural significance, but because it was his beloved late grandfather’s birth date. The festivities of this important NYC holiday provided a unique backdrop for a celebration.

Maria, too, came with a fabulously interesting life story. A native Texan, she came to New York as a teenager, to train as a ballet dancer at the School of American Ballet, associated with the New York City Ballet. An international career in dance and a stint at the Dance Theatre of Harlem, were evident in her statuesque figure, grace, and elegance. Maria’s passion gave me an ideal chance to incorporate a favorite wedding passage by Anne Marrow Lindbergh. The reading compares the choreography of a happy marriage with the ease of dance:

“A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate, but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of the Mozart’s. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding.”

Congratulations to my splendid international couple! In the words of a recent pop tune, “I hope You’ll Dance……,” for the remainder of your days!

p.s. One of those quintessential NYC wedding moments took place when Paul, the groom, convinced a gifted “street musician” (a classical cellist) to re-locate from the Bethesda Fountain to the Bethesda Terrace, where we hosted the ceremony, and provide the wedding music (for a small donation, of course!). The celebration was enjoyed by all!

A Little Bit of Mexico in Central Park

As a Celebrant—not simply a wedding officiant—I strive to personalize each of “my” wedding ceremonies, regardless of time constraints or other challenges. With a short turnaround time and other logistical issues, it isn’t always easy to create the unique, detailed ceremonies that move the bride and groom and their guests. But, “I do the best I can….” A couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by an anxious young groom, looking to marry his beautiful Mexican bride in short order. Although they planned a large, religious ceremony in Central America in a few months, for legal issues they needed to conduct a civil ceremony here in New York. As has been the case, lately, he requested a wedding ceremony in the “Ladies’ Pavilion” in Central Park.

The bride and groom were joined by about a dozen loved ones, including members of the bride’s family from Mexico. I gleaned as much of the couple’s story as possible and incorporated those details into the ceremony script. Also, the vows were exchanged bilingually. But, I wanted to do “more” to shine a lot on the significance of the Bride’s home and culture. The couple, after all, had met in Mexico. With only a short time before the gathering, I did some quick research and added a couple of light-hearted elements that—while not exactly a perfect replication of the Mexican traditions—provided a cultural nod to the bride’s family and a few special moments at the wedding.

For instance, in a Mexican wedding, it is customary for the groom to give his bride a wedding present of 13 gold coins, which are blessed by the Priest. The gesture represents the idea of shared prosperity and the groom’s commitment to care for his new wife. Instead, I connected with this tradition by bringing 13 coins in a small fabric bag and presenting it to the bride and groom, as a remembrance of our time together. Among the coins, which I had collected from my own international travels, were ones from various Central American countries. The bride and groom smiled brightly as I passed the memento.

Also, I learned that immediately following a Mexican wedding, the guests surround the bride and groom (standing side-by-side, forming the shape of a heart) as they take their first dance. For our bride and groom, the guests surrounded the couple in a semi-circle and took a vow of community support during the final portion of the ceremony. This vow reminds the couple that these people will support and nurture them through their marriage, the joys, as well as the trials.

I wish my couple well and hope that these little ceremony gestures provided some small, fun—but respective—connections to the bride’s home.

The Return of Spring

As a Life-Cycle Celebrant, my role is not only to acknowledge life’s celebrations and rites of passage, but to provide ceremonies of healing. Weddings, civil unions, and commitment ceremonies provide countless opportunities for underscoring the joy of shared lives and the promises of the future. Even vow renewals are happy occasions marking a milestone anniversary. Today, I performed a vow renewal that was a bit of both—a ritual built around healing and celebration.

A few days ago, I was contacted be a fellow from upstate New York. He asked simply if I would perform a vow renewal for him and his wife. I was happy to help and began preparations for a ceremony at dusk, in Central Park. Because we played phone and email “tag,” I wasn’t entirely clear about the ceremony—was this for a wedding anniversary? Some other important day? It was only after we spoke a bit about the specifics of the renewal did he reveal that the couple had been married about four years ago. For most of the third year of their marriage, they were separated. They had recently reunited and were attempting to repair their damaged relationship. So, here we stood in the crisp, snowy park—just the three of us—saying powerful words about renewal, forgiveness, and starting a new chapter in life. In their faces, I felt I could see pain, forgiveness, hope, and fear. My hope as a Celebrant is that this short moment in time provided a bit of healing, encouragement, and a fond memory. Seeing relationships and marriages in peril makes me want to renew my personal vows every day. As I left the Park, I thought about the crocus flowers that are just beneath the blanket of snow…something to look forward to, indeed.

Old-Fashioned Love Meets New-Fangled Technology: Is the Internet Cupid’s Most Potent Arrow?

Advances in technology and the development of the internet have impacted every aspect of life—including how we meet potential romantic partners, the courtship process, and even the exchange of marriage vows. As a celebrant, one of the first questions I pose to couples is the favorite, “So, how did you meet?” For couples of all ages and backgrounds, many report that they met online. This confession is inevitably followed by a nervous giggle and sheepish grin. The fact of the matter is, according to scholars and researchers who study such things—online dating is a very conventional approach in meeting people, these days.

Take my recent couple, Maria and Ulrich. These two lived half a world apart—she is from the American Southwest, while Ulrich lives in Copenhagen, Denmark. Not only did they meet online, but much of their courtship took place via email and Skype. The Groom is so “wedded” to technology that he actually pulled out his BlackBerry during the ceremony, from which he read his personalized wedding vows. (I’ve subsequently learned that YouTube is filled with videos of wedding couples whipping out PDAs to update their Facebook status, once vows were taken and rings were exchanged!)

While I’m not sure how I feel about Facebook postings during a ceremony, I must admit that a recent brush with matrimonial technology warmed my heart. About two weeks ago, I performed a last minute, intimate ceremony for a beautiful young couple in Harlem. The groom’s much beloved mother lives in Nassau, in the Bahamas. With such a last minute affair, she was unable to join us for the ceremony. So the techno-savvy groom fired up the webcam, and Mom was “present” for the entire ceremony.

Some people believe that technology has done much to hamper inter-personal relationships, but these recent examples of Cupid’s acquisition of technology have convinced me otherwise.

What's Special about a Celebrant-Led Wedding?

A wedding ceremony is a special event—in all ways. The process of “getting married” is a legal action, entering into a lifelong contract with another, recognized by societal institutions of all sorts. Yet, the wedding ceremony is also a celebration! For some it is a religious ceremony, for others a spiritual or secular observation, marking one of life’s major milestones and rites of passage. Many couples desire a clergy-led ceremony connected to a church, synagogue or mosque. Other brides and grooms seek a legal union courtesy of a Justice of the Peace, judge or other legal officiant. However, many couples desire another option….a third way. As a celebrant community, we believe that we fill this important gap in wedding options for American couples. We are legally credentialed to marry couples, but we are trained as ceremony professionals who will reflect the philosophies and traditions of brides and grooms.

This time of year finds many couples “interviewing” prospective wedding officiants, I thought it would be a terrific time to remind happy brides and grooms how a celebrant can bring a wonderful perspective to the day’s events. I am pleased to reproduce informative materials produced by the Celebrant Foundation & Institute, the organization that trains and credentials celebrants in the U.S. and abroad:

How is a Celebrant Wedding Unique?

Your wedding ceremony should be personal, reflecting who you are as individuals and as a couple. A wedding celebrant certified by the Celebrant Foundation & Institute will take the time to understand your beliefs, your values, and what makes your bond unique.

In a Celebrant ceremony, you are empowered. Nothing is imposed on you. Instead, in a collaborative process, the Celebrant will guide you in choosing rituals, readings, symbols, and music to fulfill your ideals and vision for your wedding. No two Celebrant ceremonies are the same.

Celebrants are ceremony specialists who have a solid background in the history of ritual, ceremony and the tradition of many cultures, beliefs, and religions. They are experts at managing rehearsals and performing weddings. They are experienced in the art of ceremonial public speaking.

Your Celebrant will:

* Meet with you at a no-obligation interview to discuss your vision of the ceremony
* Listen to you to learn your personal story
* Consult with you until the ceremony is just right
* Rehearse with you at your venue
* Provide you with a beautiful keepsake copy of your ceremony

Who Should Choose a Celebrant?

Anyone and everyone! Whether you are secular, religious, spiritual, nondenominational, part of an interfaith or multicultural couple, or if you simply wish to express yourself in a manner of your own choosing, a Celebrant can help you create a ceremony that respects all that is meaningful to you.

The Celebrant Foundation & Institute is a non-profit educational institution dedicated to helping individuals, couples, families and communities mark life’s milestones through personalized ceremonies. Celebrants have performed over million ceremonies worldwide. Celebrants officiate at virtually every life event, including weddings and commitments, baby namings and adoptions, funerals and memorials. With a focus on personalizing each ceremony related to the needs, beliefs, and values of the couple or family. Celebrants are trained in the art of ceremony.