For many reasons, young couples request private, impromptu weddings in New York. Through the generosity of my Celebrant colleague Shauna Kanter, I was afforded the opportunity to perform such a ceremony yesterday morning. After cursory email exchanges, I was asked to perform a “standard,” no frills ceremony for a young couple downtown. They needed to have their legal paperwork in order, before heading off to Europe for a grand, destination wedding attended by family and friends. My impression was that they would be fine if I dropped by their apartment and provided them with an experience like one they might have with a notary public….impersonal, bland, quick, and perfunctory. I, of course, would have none of it! In these instances, I try—gently, I hope—to remind brides and grooms that while their focus has been on their public wedding, this moment was important and special in its own way. THIS was a date they will always remember, when they take vows representing promises made long ago in their hearts. Why rush through it? Even without a fancy ceremony, we (the bride, groom, myself, and the witnesses) could savor this day in the life of these beautiful young people. And so we did.As I had my hair done for the occasion, I dashed off special words for “my” couple that might help them remember this day for its own unique wonder. I arrived at their door carrying a bag of celebrant tricks: a hastily prepared bouquet of flowers from my local bodega—pretty pink and white flowers tied with white satin ribbon; a “bride’s cake” (vanilla cupcake with vanilla icing from “Crumbs”) and “groom’s cake” (chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing) for sharing sweets after the vows; and a bundle of white balloons. I couldn’t manage to get butterflies or doves for a post ceremony release, but these worked fabulously.
I was extremely pleased that the couple and their attendants had gotten into the spirit of the day. The bride looked stunning in a strapless white dress. The groom wasn’t wearing anything special, but he was beaming. After initially thinking that they wouldn’t “bother” to take pictures, they changed their mind. Soon, the bridesmaid was wielding a video camera with the passion and prowess of Steven Speilberg, while the best man took photos throughout our little ceremony. These are keepsakes, after all!
We made our way to a fabulous roof garden. The only request of the bride and groom was that we time the ceremony so that the declaration of marriage would coincide with the bells ringing at noontime. Their building was near a famous clock tower in lower Manhattan. I was game! In the early days, the bells tolled after weddings to chase demons and evil spirits away. I provided an alternative description. I suggested to our bride and groom that in the future, be it in their neighborhood, on a holiday in Europe or anywhere else, when they heard bells to return to this intimate ceremony and remember all the blessings that had been bestowed upon them. So often we rush through moments in life, be they small or “big,” without savoring them. Many cultures use bells and chimes to center the mind and spirit. And bells chiming, in churches or elsewhere, are such a joyous expression of love and marriage. (One of my favorite movie moments of all time is that scene from the Sound of Music where two of the Von Trapp boys are ringing the Cathedral bells after Maria and the Captain are married!). What a lovely idea this was.
So our ceremony commenced. Vows were exchanged. And when the bells started at noontime, I declared them Man and Wife! In a delicious coda, after the ceremony was over the bride said, “It’s a funny thing, we hated those bells going off when we moved into this apartment.” Isn’t it nice how our perspective can change?
So, to my young couple, peace and all good things. Have a most fabulous celebration in Europe. Blessings to you.
