The Blessings of Animals

I am suffering a bit of insomnia this Sunday, as I will be officiating a wedding in Central Park. The weather, with light, but persistent, showers, may have something else in mind for us. The bride and groom, Sarah and Bill, are terrific. Sarah is a dog lover and decided that their beloved pooch Boefje should be the ring bearer. While this may strike some as odd, in the Celebrant community it is not that uncommon, believe it or not. For, a hallmark of the Celebrancy movement worldwide is a deep appreciation for all creatures.

It is a fitting time for Boefje’s wedding debut, as we are approaching the Saint’s Day for Francis of Assisi. Many are familiar with the beautiful St. Francis prayer (Lord make me an instrument of your peace, where there is hatred, let me sow love….), but he is also well known for his love of animals. Indeed, this is the time of year when many churches, Catholic and Protestant open their Sanctuaries for the “Blessing of the Animals.” A Christian church around the corner from my apartment, for instance, proudly displays a banner for today’s “Blessing of the Animals.” As we passed by the church yesterday, walking home from the Metropolitan Museum, my boyfriend noticed the sign and murmured about the silliness of it all. As a good Celebrant, I tried to remind him that in modern America—and particularly in a place like New York— pets have taken on a vital role as family members, for many. With extended families on the decline and vast numbers of people living alone, pets provide companionship and unconditional love for so many. The Celebrancy community acknowledges these connections by routinely leading services related to animals, such as pet memorials. My Celebrant colleague Dorry Bless, for instance, is officiating a ceremony in October at St. Hubert’s Animal Welfare Center (http://www.sthuberts.org/), where she will bless the wonderful dogs being raised to work as guide and service dogs for the blind and disabled.

Recently I came across an article in the Christian magazine Guideposts, most often associated with the great Norman Vincent Peale. The piece described a minister who was struggling with a dwindling congregation in North Weymouth, Massachusetts, outside Boston. “Out of nowhere” the idea came to her—to let congregants bring their animals to worship services. It was a huge success! (http://www.guideposts.com/story/bring-your-dog-church.)

It is refreshing and energizing to see so many spiritually-inclined institutions recognizing the role that animals play in our communities. I’m glad the Celebrancy community is at the forefront. So, as I close, the sun is nearly rising. We are keeping our collective fingers (and paws) crossed that Boefje will have his debut.

p.s. We did end up having the wedding outside. It was cold and wet, but the dog looked mighty cute.

Wedding with a Heart

Charity has always been important to me. For years I have worked in the nonprofit sector and been active in philanthropic causes. That charitable impulse is one of the reasons that Celebrancy was so appealing to me—this is a lovely, creative way to be of service to people during important moments in their lives. So, it was a natural next step when I decided “marry” my Celebrancy practice with charitable giving.

I recently decided to launch “wedding with a heart.” It is a simple idea. For each wedding that I am lucky enough to officiate, I will make a contribution to a charity of the couple’s choice. For me, this is a small way of “giving back.” I am exceedingly grateful to do this kind of work—why not share my good fortune with others? With nonprofits facing financial struggles due to the recession, they can certainly use the assistance. And, there is no better way to recognize the love of the individuals who are marrying, than shining a light on things that they care about. So my couple who will be married in New York City’s Central Park this weekend have asked that a donation be made to the Central Park Conservancy, to maintain their beloved park.

I think it is an emerging trend to link the gift of falling in love and marrying with sharing one’s blessings. For instance, in 2002 the “I Do Foundation” was started in Washington, D.C. The Foundation has developed partnerships with major retailers, so that when couples receive gifts purchased through these stores, a donation will be made to a charity of the Bride and Groom’s choice. Some brides and grooms skip gifts altogether, asking that donations be made directly to charity instead.

So, my little contribution is one little way to keep the virtuous cycle of loving going and giving.

Romance on the Danube

I write to you from beautiful Budapest, Hungary, one of the grand cities of the Austro- Hungarian Empire. I have been fortunate to spend time over here during the last several years, as it is the motherland of my partner Laszlo. Budapest is a beautiful, stately city, hugging the Danube River. Now two decades since the fall of Communism, Budapest is restoring its luster of eras gone by.

My love of weddings well pre-dates my becoming a Celebrant. During much of my 30’s, I travelled a good deal. It was a wonderful time of self-growth and learning, one that I hope positively informs my Celebrancy practice. No matter where I wandered, I was always on the lookout for weddings. From near or far, I truly enjoyed peeking in on these happy days for brides, grooms, and their families. And I prided myself on having a “sixth sense” of knowing when and where I might run into a wedding celebration (think “Wedding Crashers” meets “Roman Holiday”).

As I am now an officiant, I use any travel opportunity to help me become a more creative Celebrant—meeting new colleagues, visiting museums, or learning about local wedding customs. So, of course, coming to Hungary has piqued my curiosity of wedding customs in Central Europe.

Of those Hungarians declaring a religious affiliation, about half are Roman Catholic, about 20 percent are Protestant, with small numbers of Greek Orthodox and Jews. According to a wedding traditions website, all Hungarian marriages must have a civil ceremony. Many couples choose to have a religious ceremony after the civil service. Some, in fact, parade from the civil service immediately to the house of worship.

In the past, Hungarian brides wore colorful dresses, heavily embroidered with flower motifs. In her elaborate dress, with many petticoats and an impressive headpiece, symbols of wheat were sewn in, as a sign of fertility. Today, most brides wear modern “western style” white bridal gowns. During traditional church ceremonies, it is customary for the bride and groom to sit on a platform, outside the house of worship. As guests arrive, they will read poems, sing songs, or share memories or good wishes with the bride and groom. And, today it is still customary for couples to wear wedding rings on their left hands during the engagement period. After the wedding ceremony, the rings are switched to the right hand. After the wedding the bride gives a gift of three or seven handkerchiefs to the groom. Both three and seven are thought to be lucky numbers. The groom usually presents his bride with a small bag of coins—this symbolizes that the husband will give all that he has to his new bride, entrusting her with his worldly fortunes. The wedding reception includes food and drink and things near and dear to the hearts of Hungarians—most notably food heavily seasoned with Paprika, the national treasure to which Hungarians attribute magical properties.

The photo included here is from a Saturday wedding that I ambled into while walking around the Castle in Budapest. Wonderful!

Home is where the Heart Is

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of marrying two lovely young people Gail and Jason. Theirs was a quintessential modern day romance—intercontinental and filled with demanding professional obligations. Jason and Gail met while in graduate school at the University of Edinburgh. Their time together in Scotland, affirmed their love for one another, first as friends, then as flat mates, and finally as a romantic couple. Upon graduation, Jason, a native Texan, returned to the United States to attend law school at Mr. Jefferson’s University, the University of Virginia. A marriage proposal last Thanksgiving led to the inevitable question, “Where should such a globe-trotting couple marry?” With friends and family coming from all points in America, as well as Australia, the U.K. and Continental Europe, New York became the “logical” choice for the wedding. What is better than a late summer wedding in Central Park?

I was so honored to lead the ceremony, in part because of my own Scottish ancestry. (I must admit that I was thrilled to learn that there are relatives in the bride’s family that share my surname “Ritchie.”) Our planning was remote—via email and telephone, but I came to feel kinship with these two. The wedding was held in a sweet Gazebo in the southern part of Central Park, a little nest known as the "Cop Cot Gazebo." Interestingly, this is a Scottish phrase which, translated, means “the little house on the crest of the hill.” Perfect, right?

There were touches of Scotland all around—from the kilts worn by several members of the wedding party to the Scottish flag on which the wedding cake was lovingly placed. However, I am confident that our couple and their friends and family members felt very much at home in the Big Apple.

As my celebrancy practice continues to bloom, I anticipate working with many more couples who make New York their wedding destination. As I did with Jason and Gail, I stand ready to help with all aspects of the wedding preparations including venue selection, assistance with music, flowers and other wedding elements, travel arrangements, and the challenges of negotiating a wedding license at the New York City Clerk’s office. So Congratulations Gail and Jason! You were a complete joy to work with.

Photograph by Jeffrey Mosier Photography

Wedding Belles & Wedding Bells

For many reasons, young couples request private, impromptu weddings in New York. Through the generosity of my Celebrant colleague Shauna Kanter, I was afforded the opportunity to perform such a ceremony yesterday morning. After cursory email exchanges, I was asked to perform a “standard,” no frills ceremony for a young couple downtown. They needed to have their legal paperwork in order, before heading off to Europe for a grand, destination wedding attended by family and friends. My impression was that they would be fine if I dropped by their apartment and provided them with an experience like one they might have with a notary public….impersonal, bland, quick, and perfunctory. I, of course, would have none of it! In these instances, I try—gently, I hope—to remind brides and grooms that while their focus has been on their public wedding, this moment was important and special in its own way. THIS was a date they will always remember, when they take vows representing promises made long ago in their hearts. Why rush through it? Even without a fancy ceremony, we (the bride, groom, myself, and the witnesses) could savor this day in the life of these beautiful young people. And so we did.

As I had my hair done for the occasion, I dashed off special words for “my” couple that might help them remember this day for its own unique wonder. I arrived at their door carrying a bag of celebrant tricks: a hastily prepared bouquet of flowers from my local bodega—pretty pink and white flowers tied with white satin ribbon; a “bride’s cake” (vanilla cupcake with vanilla icing from “Crumbs”) and “groom’s cake” (chocolate cupcake with chocolate icing) for sharing sweets after the vows; and a bundle of white balloons. I couldn’t manage to get butterflies or doves for a post ceremony release, but these worked fabulously.

I was extremely pleased that the couple and their attendants had gotten into the spirit of the day. The bride looked stunning in a strapless white dress. The groom wasn’t wearing anything special, but he was beaming. After initially thinking that they wouldn’t “bother” to take pictures, they changed their mind. Soon, the bridesmaid was wielding a video camera with the passion and prowess of Steven Speilberg, while the best man took photos throughout our little ceremony. These are keepsakes, after all!

We made our way to a fabulous roof garden. The only request of the bride and groom was that we time the ceremony so that the declaration of marriage would coincide with the bells ringing at noontime. Their building was near a famous clock tower in lower Manhattan. I was game! In the early days, the bells tolled after weddings to chase demons and evil spirits away. I provided an alternative description. I suggested to our bride and groom that in the future, be it in their neighborhood, on a holiday in Europe or anywhere else, when they heard bells to return to this intimate ceremony and remember all the blessings that had been bestowed upon them. So often we rush through moments in life, be they small or “big,” without savoring them. Many cultures use bells and chimes to center the mind and spirit. And bells chiming, in churches or elsewhere, are such a joyous expression of love and marriage. (One of my favorite movie moments of all time is that scene from the Sound of Music where two of the Von Trapp boys are ringing the Cathedral bells after Maria and the Captain are married!). What a lovely idea this was.

So our ceremony commenced. Vows were exchanged. And when the bells started at noontime, I declared them Man and Wife! In a delicious coda, after the ceremony was over the bride said, “It’s a funny thing, we hated those bells going off when we moved into this apartment.” Isn’t it nice how our perspective can change?

So, to my young couple, peace and all good things. Have a most fabulous celebration in Europe. Blessings to you.

(Cyber) Web of Love

Today is a special day. Katie Price and her beloved Anthony are getting married! Katie’s mother Janet is a childhood friend of mine. Janet, a beautiful woman inside and out, was a lovely young bride. She and her adoring Steve grew up together—their happy marriage has seen them through Steve’s medical school, residency, board exams, and the birth and rearing of eight (yes 8!) much loved children. Katie is the oldest. Janet’s marriage is always one that I hold up as an example of how it can really work. She and Steve adore each other and even after more than 20 years of marriage, they have weekly “date night.” Janet glows when she speaks of Steve (and vice-versa). Katie could not have had more loving role models of a married couple.

It wasn’t a surprise when her lovely daughter Katie got engaged before finishing nursing school. In typical “Price family fashion,” Katie finished school, passed her nursing exams, and prepared for a wedding, all without breaking a sweat. No doubt, this wedding will be a magnificent occasion. The Price family is deeply faithful and this celebration will be about much more than flowers and food at the reception.

Over these months of wedding preparation, I have been amused by the wonderful power of “social media” to draw in the Price Family’s enormous and sprawling network of friends and family into the process. We as Celebrants sometimes lament that the time leading up to the wedding often has little to do with marriage and a lot to do with party planning. In an effort to address this imbalance, we offer spiritually inclined “showers” that allow for friends and family of the bride (or the bride and groom) to gather as a community offering her advice, support, comfort and wisdom (as opposed to lingerie from Victoria’s Secret or pre-registered gifts from Crate & Barrel). In certain respects, I have witnessed this sort of coming together on Facebook, of all places. After some trepidation about social networking, Baby Boomers (and those of us lodged between the Boomers and Gen X) have embraced Facebook with great enthusiasm. So throughout Katie’s engagement, I was able to read loving postings from Mom Janet, Katie’s sweet Aunts, Cousins, her Grandparents, and many friends. Mixed with words of loving kindness were the fun updates on wedding planning “stuff” (“We went to hear musicians today”…..”We did reception food tastings”……”Katie had her final fitting”…..). We were all part of the wedding planning process. In these final days before the wedding, Janet posted meaningful passages and appropriately sentimental wedding songs from You Tube. Last night’s selection, “I Loved Her First,” by Heartland, allowed me to shed tears in unison with another family friend in the Midwest.

So as those of us in remote locations wait for the inevitable pictures posted on Facebook after the big event, we are connected together in a cyber-web of love and appreciation for a young bride and groom, a loving family and the many blessings that have been bestowed upon them. We raise our hearts to Katie and Anthony!

Peace and all good things. Love, Aunt-ish Sarah

Social Science Research Meets Love

As I have fully embraced my role as a celebrant, I find myself thinking about relationships and marriages a lot. We celebrants take great pride in “telling the story” of the couple about to be married. It is a wonderful, sweet, moving part of the ceremony–how “our” couple found each other, fell in love, and decided to marry. I try to fill these stories with all of the gravity (and levity) that a wedding day deserves.

This morning I decided to try an experiment. On my facebook page, I invited “friends” to tell me how they met their beloved. A couple of dozen individuals replied. It was great fun reading about their experiences. While there were some themes among the folks who replied, the bottom line: magic–just plain magic–happens all the time. I don’t know if my sample is a representative one, but a few people met in school, some met at work. I had a good number of “was introduced by a mutual friend,” etc. etc.

But then there were posts like this, from my high school friend Melody: I was working a 2nd job bartending part-time when I was a single mom w/ 2 boys and he was the Budweiser man. He never knew what hit him, he is still shaking his head 17 years later. Or how about this, from my colleague Cheryl: we met in a baseball chat room just by chance. I had never been in a chatroom and it was the first time I wandered in. Started talking to him, then after about 2 hours of online talk, he wanted my number. I was anxious, but something told me to give it to him. We talked for another three hours and then every night since then. After 4 months of long distance talk, we met in person, hit it off, and we decided that I should move to NYC. Moved in Sept 05, got married Nov 07, going on two years now! Everytime I meet a couple, I am dumb struck by the “chances” that they found each other. It is all a wonderful miracle of the universe.

This evening, after work, I was out with a few of my girlfriends. These ladies are dynamite–smart, attractive, witty, accomplished, and kind. And, for the most part, they are still looking for amazing companionship. In a city like New York, for women of a certain age, the oft-quoted statistics can be overwhelming. But, I hope when these super women read this blog they might take away my hypothesis–magic happens all the time. It can happen anytime. And it need only happen once.

p.s. The shot above is of Carmie and Bob. They recently renewed their wedding vows in NY, in honor of their 10th wedding anniversary. She is originally from Montreal; Bob is from Toronto. They met on a seemingly mundane business training trip to NYC, 12 years ago. Magic.